Earth Maid

I held on to the good lady tight.

You will take care of yourself, won't you?

Of course I will Daddy chops, don't worry. It is only three days.

I stepped back and appraised her as if she was heading to the Antarctic for the long summer. The good lady had been studying to become a Doula and part of that study was to head off into the country to do some mad hippy shit with a bunch of fellow trainee Doula's for three days.

I was half worried that she would come back a different person. And not in a fake breasted, blonde haired good way.

If they try to brainwash you or tell you that men are bad, you will resist won't you?

It's not a cult. They are not going to try and brainwash me.

I reached into a pocket and took out my prized balisong. I flicked it open and closed majestically a few times.

Do you have a blade? Just in case you have to cut your way out of a tricky situation?

The good lady shook her head good-naturedly and punched me on the shoulder.

Don't be a diddy. As if I will need a blade. It's a group of women who are there to support each other.

I looked at her with my best squint eye.

We should have a safe word. So that I can extract you if it all goes pear-shaped. What about "tadger?"
^{Tadger - Glasgow slang word for "Boaby" which in itself is a Glasgow slang word for Penis.}

Haha, very funny. There will be no tadgers and no safe words. It will be fine. It's just a collection of workshops and stuff to celebrate the art of the feminine.

I growled slightly, My inner man wolf smelling metaphorical beef.

Celebrate the art of the hoohaa. I hope that doesn't mean you will be spending the weekend making paper mache vaginas.

The good lady laughed.

If we do, I will make sure to bring one home for you.

Hmm. Alright then.

She picked up her bag and headed out of the door with the Little Boom. I and the little lady waved her off until she was out of sight.

Isn't it exciting that Mummy is going off to become an Earth Maid this weekend, Daddy?

I looked off into the distance.

Yes little one it is.

The little lady grabbed my hand.

And don't worry, if she needs help we can go and revenge her.

I looked down proudly at my little chicken pie and ruffled her hair.

That's my girl.