Kaw-Fee

in life •  7 years ago 

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The snow was falling thick and fast today as I headed to work. My journey was a stramash of delays due to the snow but eventually, I made it into the city.

I was in no mood to faff about. First order of the day. Coffee. I dived into the little cafe near work and gave my order. I was cheered by the fact that I had a coupon for a free coffee as it was my ninth visit in a row.

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A small latte, to go. Oh and I have a free one.

A free one, excellent! Let me get that for you.

The guy (Let's call him Humphybaws) whizzed around with practised ease and started making it.

All was well.

Humphybaws turned to me.

Wet?

He asked cryptically.

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I stared at him in utter incomprehension. Wet? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Of course I wanted it wet. It was coffee. How could it not be wet?

What?

Wet?

He asked again, this time with a bit of a debonair eye swagger.

Just a normal bloody coffee.

I replied somewhat irritably.

Humphybaws looked a little put out but carried on clattering about with various bits and bobs until finally my coffee was ready. He presented me my coffee.

It looked like a bucket of milk. I looked at it and then I looked up at Humphybaws.

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Because you have a free one I gave you a large.

Humphybaws beamed.

I snorted wildly and pawed a leathery hoof dark with menace at the ground. I turned my head so that one crazed eye was facing Humphybaws.

Sorry, can I actually just have the small size please?

Humphybaws looked momentarily baffled.

But it's free so I gave you the big one.

Humphybaws said. Brightening up, no doubt thinking that the magic F-word would make everything better.

It's too milky.

What?

Humphybaws pouted as if he was a cat washing his bum and it was matted with winnits.

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It's too milky, It's like a pint of milk.

I waved at it contemptuously like it was a filthy nappy and he was suggesting I wear it as a hat.

He shook his head at my ingratitude.

It was free.

He muttered ominously. His upset that my appreciation of his generosity was being spunked in his face plain to see.

The offending coffee was snatched away and he threw it violently into the nearby sink, cup and all. A huge splash glooped out backwards over his barista apron.

Graaaaa!

He yelled.

I looked on with an iron eye. He could hump and hiss about all he wanted but when it came to my morning coffee, I didn't give a hoot.

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He started making another, occasionally casting me a baleful glance. Where there was an opportunity to bang something he banged it. Where he had the chance to sigh and roll his eyes he took it.

In fact, I could tell he was wondering if there were any way he could sneak a shit into it as it brewed. Under my hawk-like gaze though the chances were sparse.

Eventually, it was ready.

He passed it to me.

Here it is, small as requested.

Cheers big ears!

I countered grinnily with cheery Glasgow humour. He held on to the cup a second longer than was necessary. I stared at him. I could almost hear his thoughts.

I hate you Mr Small Coffee man.

I hoped he could hear mine.

If you don't let go of my coffee I am gonna ram it up your arse.

Perhaps he sensed danger. The fight in him died and he let go. My soul exulted at the crushing of yet another spirit. I almost demanded one of his large ears as a trophy but decided against it.

I headed out with a cheery spring in my step.

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Haha .. Funny!
I liked your style
Wonderful work .. for more creativity

Thank you

Was the 'wet' bit actually a question about the weather? maybe your coat was dripping from the snow?

Oh my goodness me!! Hot flippity dang tastic!! You are right. I was being a tad grumpy and had no idea what he was talking about but I bet it was the wet from the snow because it was nightmarish outside!!

Darn! That makes perfect sense! Oopsy hehe!

Certainly the barista (baristo?) could have at least been a bit less neanderthal-ish. By just saying one little lonely word "wet" he caused you to have a quite very bad start to your day and ruined the opportunity for you to enjoy your free coffee!!

He did almost ruin it! I feel amusedly silly now thinking back to how baffled I was and how baffled he must have been!

how bawt black kawfee with choc? :D

how would you ram kawfee on one's arse?
I can't imagine cause it aint solid hahah

edit : plus its hot hot hot
hahah

Haha, who knows but I am sure it would be a scalding hot triumph that he would render to the end of days! :0)

Hahahah I bet you lik your coffee dark and strong and not milky ...hmmm as a young lady, I prefer it milky like Milky way heheheheh . Thanks for another good one uncle Boomy.

Dark and strong and bitter thats how I like it!

After having worked in the service and sales industries for many years, I wonder how many people have written blog posts about me... Many times have I been in Humpheybaws situation haha

Also what the fuck is a wet coffee?!

It's the wet bit that really got me. I think that irritated me and made me less happy than normal to get the big milky. I love my coffee to taste like coffee!

Wet coffee, I mean, I cant even figure it out!

hahaha, have you noticed his face, when you rejected the Big coffee? :p
The most awaited post of the day!

Hehe, well thank you very much!

Bandwith issue no more! :p Thank you so much :)

That is awesome to hear. I think that 50 steempower is the magic number but once you are above 15 it gets a lot better

Hopefully i'll approach it :p i'm working hard :p

I can tell

Thanks for supporting big man!

:) @Uncleboom I have the new post for you :p have a look !

Humphybaws pouted as if he was a cat washing his bum and it was matted with winnits.

Rotfl. Triggered my imagination here. Hard to let this image go now.

BTW, so much milk in a cup of coffee? Is that still coffee?

Poor Humphybaws. Probably thought he was doing you some huge favor and you've probably got him thinking what sort of dude preferred real coffee to a free large

I think he did think he was doing me a massive favour and instead I was horrified, You should have seen it

Haha. I can imagine.

When you received the final brew, you should have asked if you could have a little bit of milk on the side. Just for the glory.

Oh man, that would have been amazing!! hahahhaahah

I like my coffee...white :D

It's the only way I can drink it.

I like it white, but not solid white!

Strong Cofee, strong Man!

Just go for milk dear. Mr Humphybaws would love you. LOl

Or direct me to a candy store 😂

haha. As you wish love

Too funny!! What is so hard about asking the question first? "Would you like a large instead sir? Since its free." My favourite is when you are at a restaurant and you order a water. You heard me right, order a WATER. How gloriously annoying when my WATER comes with a lemon in it. Ohhhh how this frustrates my. I don't like lemon and if I did I would have ordered a water WITH lemon. Just ask the question!!!

Oh don't get me started on the lemon. I am exactly the same with that. I am like, noooo, I don't want Lemony water with those little floaty bits of lemon pith!

If you don't let go of my coffee I am gonna ram it up your arse.

That was one funny coffe story. I guess the coffee maker felt like a big guy who was giving you a free coffee of his choice. Perhaps first coffee he gave you was what he usually drinks. He expected you to be thankful and instead you wanted your free coffe your way. That’s what completely pissed him off.

Yeah, next time I will take that ear and he will weep! ;O)

wow uncle boom is at it again.. Humor at its very best.. This got me rolling on the floor..

In fact, I could tell he was wondering if there were any way he could sneak a shit into it as it brewed

Oh poor humphybaws!!!. Feel so sorry for him.. Uncle boom hope you didnt taste something strange in the second cup???.. Cus humphybaws must be very furious making that

There was nothing untoward. I watched him like a hawk!!! :0)

but i hope u actually drink SOME water at least Once a day.. :p

I do!! I actually drink loads which means I spend an inordinate time in the toilet!

yes thats the thin... pee n weee

I headed out with a cheery spring in my step

Like one who just won a trophy from a cage fight
Sometimes people feel what they're thinking is best for one but we've got a desire, it was free but that's not the expectation, in anticipation he had over done it trying to please you but he all got it wrong. Now he's angry you didn't show gratitude for his effort but he failed to ask your pleasings, he judged you by your actions and judged himself by his intention which is not a fair deal. Thanks for sharing.

In this game it seems at first the were no winners until the camera panned over the biometer and only showed victory!!! :0)

Yeah,..... Truly.

So Finally You got the Coffee of your choice :p

Finally yes!

So how was the taste?

Splendid!

ahaan great

Hello @meesterboom: Tremendous victory to start the day ... you won this battle to Humphybaws, but you have not won the war ... you will surely have many more encounters with Humphybaws in the small café and the war will continue; the enemy will counterattack and can hurt you when you least expect, take care! ... In any case, this victory allowed you to start the day on a very good foot before confronting your environment full of intrigues and mysteries of your office. Greetings.

Greetings!! It was a happy day after they right enough!!

I'm glad! that's good!

Hahahaaa, I am laughing so hard now after reading gardenlady's comment! I was baffled by the 'wet' too, but that does make sense, LOL.
Although, come on I'd rather pay for a coffee the way I like it then get a free one I don't like, sheesh!

I know, her comment was awesome. Obviously it was that I can see now! Being so cold and miserable and grumpy I just totally didn't get it!

Humphybaws thought that every customer would be satisfied with his service with a serving of a large coffee with 99% milk inside. But meesterboom had a different taste from other customers. He wants his special coffee. Upvoted!

I do indeed, we are not all the same as they say!

That is one less coffee shop for your morning fix, humpbypaws has a good memory, you may have been watching today but if you return and have a moments distraction, he will sneek something into your morning lifeblood.
Wait at least a month so somebody else is in his " best friend" position.

I will send others in and he will never know they are for me!! Hehe

Wahaha got me again with a laughter :d
Poor guy though :(

What doesn't kill him makes him stronger!!

And sadder. Not like a little sad, but supersad.
He probably was crying his entire shift after that.

I reckon they will be tears of joy as he has found inspiration in his life goals!

Insolent Humphybaws, try to give a little lady, as dare to deliver a tear to Mr. Boom, and much less in the morning and after a big snowstorm, almost earns to be put in the ..... ...
Excellent story dear friend enjoy a lot of reading I wish you a beautiful dear beloved friend @meesterboom

The snowstorm is the biggest we have had in ages! Chaos! Cheers @jlufer, wishing you all the best!

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Free coffee full of milk for a gentleman? I wonder why you forget your cane!!!! because you accepted a free coffee he thought that he can fill it up with milk? am sure my dear boomy likes it bitter, dark and hard ...just like in gentleman club . Hahaha , good read ...Today on my post, I discussed issues relating to wants and needs including to peg or not to peg sbd-feel free to send in your suggestions which are always welcomed. I wish you more success.

Ishall be interested in that, I do have quite an opinion on pegging SBD!

I shall return tomorrow and cane him ;O)

Maybe you should consider finding another coffee bar man. This is not the first time they take fancyful liberties with your morning gold. Utterly failing to realise that this is essential goods, not to be trifled with.

I have several favourites but the weather was bad and I had to go to the nearest one which is the one with the dodgy folk! Unfortunately they also mostly do good coffees!

Don't put milk in my coffee or my tea for that matter! Milk just ruins a good cup of java.

Humphybaws pouted as if he was a cat washing his bum and it was matted with winnits.

ROFL! Now, I haven't heard that expesion in a donkey's years! Made me almost spill my morning coffee!

I am the same, dark bitter and hard as they say for a coffee!! Winnits are hilarious! :O)

Its the small victories in life that make the day! Well done, Boom. That will teach him!

It is indeed! I started the day a happy man!

I like my black coffee without sugar and milk. I like it thick dark coffee. I understand how it is like for us coffee addict. It is not the amount of the drink but whether it is make the way we like it. Starting right for the day with the right coffee. You are definitely a man of principles and great determination for an ideal coffee to start the day right.

Yes indeed, done principles must be maintained! The first coffee if the day is surely the most special

Even though I make exceptional coffee, I will think twice before making one to you.
You Iron eye is scary!

I like the sound of exceptional coffee! :0)

Coffee flavoured milk is pretty much the only way I can drink it XD

Leathery hoof, I guess you meant your nice business shoe, but after that description perhaps you're secretly a centaur or a satyr in this one XD

goatsig

Or a maddened rhino!!! Hehe

Also a possibility XD

goatsig

You're just like me, very touchy and peculiar with my morning wake up coffee.

Oh man, like you wouldnt believe! You have to be dontcha!

I enjoyed reading your story of the day. One thing I didn't understand, why you didn't like the large one? I am Sorry, for my English as is not so good. What I have understood, he made the first cup too milky and second was small as you requested then why you said I hate you Mr Small Coffee man.

He wrote was he assumed the man to be thinking. It's like when you feel you can hear what a person is thinking by the look they give you.

So, he wasn't calling himself Mr Small Coffee Man

He assumed the coffee maker was calling him that in his (the coffee maker's) head.

Get? :)

You got it babycheeks!!! :O)

Oh Yeah, got it. Thanks for clarifying it for me.

I dont like milky coffee, large coffees have the same amount of expresso but more milk

I think its a shame that you didnt vote for a post you professed to have read twice. Tut tut

Ah and then you voted after my response below.

Hmm, still tempted to raise the flag. I will think on this

:p @meesterboom leave him :p he is my country fellow :p

Ha, then you saved him because the flag was coming! :O)

I knew it was coming with the speed of rocket :p but your kindness stops it :p

It's your highness Mr. Boom! I'm grateful to you. :)

A bundle of thanks, brother!

Your Welcome Brother <3

very interesting story,,,,,,,,,,great post.thanks for this post.you are great,i am waiting for your next post

I am indeed, it's hard to sleep at night knowing my greatness :O)

Lol

;O)

upvote you a very good post I like your blog ... I am waiting for your next post ....

You shant have long to wait, Every day another gripping slice is delivered fresh to your door!

i can witness that :p

Very similar to my experience yesterday, I was drenched on my way to work, I have a vehicle, and to make matters worse I did not leave home with my umbrella because the rain started suddenly.It doesn't snow here.

Oh dear, it's not a good way to start the day

I couldn't stop laughing 😁 while reading. Humphybaws indeed is Grumpypants. So Glad he met his match.

I am sure he is glad too! :O)

This looks like real battle to me for real coffee...We have a restaurant near our Company and I drink Excellent Nes cafe only there so I understand this big battle...😊

all the stories are good, so we are not of the mood we always listen to them and if they are accompanied by a delicious coffee, it becomes interesting. good post.
I invite you to read my last post, and be able to count on your

You can count on it!

Thank you, I would be very happy.

As the clock chimes 10 I shall be around again

Good story well wrote

Cheers very much!

haha nice had a good laugh reading this :D

Good to hear!

Your stories are something hard to demystify, but this is humorous with a touch of reality.

I almost demanded one of his large ears as a trophy but decided against it.

😁😁😁

Thank you

Hahaha this is so hilarious and you did the right thing. Nobody has the right to mess with our cup of coffee- nobody. I am so glad you didn't budge and got what you wanted. This made me so happy. I love coffee so I can so relate to how you felt when you got a big cuppa plain milk.

Ahahaha! You've had quite the number of encounters there, I'm surprised they haven't hired a spotter to signal your coming and get busy with underhanded antics. On one hand, they do say that one shouldn't complain about anything free, but on the other, one can't complain about something that one freely gave. Humphybaws chose to go the extra mile when he shouldn't have, so he shouldn't complain when there's a complaint about it. I side with the Boomdawg in this one, because no one goes to a coffee shop to order milk. No one.

thank you friends have shared stories about his journey @meesterboom

Why thank you!

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment

Great man, You read it in just 1 minute?
you are an angel :3
It took 8 minutes to read it.

Yeah I read it twice to understand it but still I didn't understand it fully :D

hahaha :p @meesterboom English is too tight :p

It's a shame you didnt vote for it after all that effort

I have done it, Sorry for the late vote.

You should know that commenters who dont vote usualy get downvoted because its spam

Ah, my bad! I am still learning things here. It has added new information to my tiny brain. People like you are here to teach newbies like me. It's your greatness if you spare me this time. Thanks :)

He was a speedy fellow!

haha, speedy as the speed of light?

My pecker you mean? You naughty man!

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment

I loved the way you approached this comment. I have voted it