No Chance

She's pregnant.

I stared at my mate Daz in horror.

She's what? Already? But you only just started trying a month ago? Aw man.

We were in the park. Our regular Monday playdate with the little ones. We both had two kids each already, the older ones were in School and we met up on a Monday with the almost one-year-olds. Daz and his wife had just started trying for number three, much to his dismay.

I know mate. Just my luck eh. I don't know if I could have took much more pumping anyway.

We both were quiet for a moment. It was only fitting to allow a little room to grieve. I threw some sunflower seeds at the ducks much to their annoyance. One of them sounded suspiciously as if it was shouting wank, wank.

It's not my fault bread is bad for them.

Eventually, I broke the silence.

At least she will stop shagging you. Now that she has got what she wanted.

Aye.

We both looked off into the distance, we all had our horror stories to tell on that front. Daz took a deep breath and let it out. He then looked at me with a pained, fake smile.

I am sure it won't be that bad. I mean, we have two. Three shouldn't really make much of a difference.

I patted him on the shoulder in a manful way. A pat that showed him I was there for him. As long as he didn't cry or any of that kind of mad shit.

It will be fine mate. Don't you worry. It will all work out.

She says I will need to give up the beamer right enough.

He grimaced as he said this as if a cat was licking his nipples roughly.

I recoiled slightly myself. Daz had had his BMW for years, it was practically an antique but he loved it.

Give up the beamer, man. Why?

Not enough seats. Need a big stupid people carrier thing now.

Oh.

The ducks quacked and wandered off into the misty grey rain. I threw some sunflower seeds after them, the cheeky one shouted wank, wank again over its shoulder. We chatted some more and then headed our separate ways.

When I arrived home the good lady was all a bustle. She took the little guy off me.

Hey, you take a seat I will bring you a coffee.

I flumped down in my chair and thought of poor Daz. The good lady came through with my cup of Joe.

She perched on the side of my chair and rubbed my shoulder.

I was thinking maybe we should have an early night tonight?

She gave me a slitty-eyed look like a cat that wants its belly tickled but might just scratch you out of spite whilst you do it.

Oh oh, did she have her brood on?!?. I knew what that look usually meant. I could take no chances, this situation would have to be averted.

I furrowed my brow at her.

No can do sister, I have a big pile of ironing to get through.