Your gym crush is a unicorn and you know it.

You know who's harder to find than Bigfoot? That person you have a thing for at your gym. But you didn't need me to tell you that, right?

Let's talk about this. How often is that delicious slice of humanity there when you go? Rarely, I'm guessing. Just often enough to make you believe in the seductive qualities of sweat...and keep you coming to the gym. They're paying these people, right? The gyms? They're taunting us with these unicorny miracles of nature who are not only cute as hell but also potentially flirting with us. 

Real talk: gym managers are vicious monsters who must be stopped. Allegedly.

You know who IS at the gym every day when you're there? C'mon, you do. That guy who works out in a Speedo every afternoon even though he looks like Jeffrey Dahmer and you'd rather be cannibalized than look at his equipment in Technicolor day after day. Or that woman who should never be mostly naked in public but is because hey, they still sell workout thongs somewhere and they go over big at heavy metal concerts in flyover states. I hear.

Or whatever. I'd love to offer good advice but I think our choices are a) spend every second of every day at the gym (not practical and highly nonenjoyable) or b) go when you go and pray for a miracle. 

Because even for unicorns, everybody's gotta be somewhere.