Several years ago, for two decades perhaps, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself or blaming others -- to own my decisions -- to live with no regrets.
Lake Lindsey by Meredith Loughran
I've had hard choices to deal with, and in 45 years of living have only one terrible regret.
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They say hindsight is 20/20.
There is a certain amount of clarity when looking at one's past in an attempt to be objective.
I divorced the father of my children because he was slowly killing my soul.
I quit a good paying job that I loved because the managers were killing my spirit.
I removed myself from the negative people and limit my time in their presence if staying distant cannot be avoided.
Is it possible to have 20/20 vision for the future?
I'd like to think it is possible. And while I joke that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I certainly do know exactly what I want for my life.
Health - Happiness - Home - Creature Comforts
So, the latest decision I made was back in December when I got a part time temporary seasonal job. Working from home is great but the income was anything but steady.I would guess that most freelance / independent contractors / remote workers would say it's Feast or Famine and I'd been in a pretty steady work drought.
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It's never felt like work but I was here every day blogging, interacting, building a community, and rediscovering my love of creating things in art and music.
When my temporary job came to an end I was terribly relieved even though I would miss the income. He never said it - and never would - but with my extra income, as meager as it was, I saw a little stress leave my husband's shoulders. In three weeks my earnings had paid off a high interest bill and got us caught up on another one.
Suddenly I was seeing a light at the debt tunnel.
I stayed up all night
I went through the online job sites looking for more jobs with little to no hope of finding anything in a timely enough manner. Honestly, I didn't want a job with a lot of responsibility. Point to a task, say "do it" and I'll say "yes ma'am or yessir." I don't really want to think and I didn't care if it was shoveling chicken shit.
I must have filled in 20 applications -- but there was one... I had it opened in tabs and kept clicking away from it. I wanted it but I didn't want it. Everything they were looking for in a candidate was well within my wheelhouse of experience but they were seeking a full time employee.
at jumping on a full time opportunity, right?
Yes, a full time job earns more money but it also keeps me out of the house for 40+ hours a week. I've done this before at great personal expense.
Money isn't everything but time is precious.
Another part of my hesitation in pursuing a job is this:
- I felt like I was trying twice as hard for a job I half wanted
- I rarely apply for a job (even if I half want it) with the intention of leaving it. If I'm hired I'll work until it's impossible to do so, or I'm escorted out the door. I've never been escorted out.
I made the decision
I applied for the full time job. The application process was in three phases and with each hurdle I realized I wanted this job. My interview was about an hour long and I felt pretty good about it. Like most processes, I thought it might be a week or two before I heard back.
WHAT?!?
If there is one thing I've learned in this life it is this:
When things are meant to be, things fall into place.
When you force things, you certainly can make things happen but what you don't see right away are the fractures from the force of your actions. Those fractures will chip, tear and break that foundation of what you were forcefully building...and it will fall like a house of cards...eventually.
Another decision needed to be made
We only needed one car when I was working from home so that's all we have. Hubby tried to be a manly man, insisting I take the car and he would walk the 3.5 miles to work - potentially 7 miles round trip in addition to the 15 to 20 miles of walking he already does at his job.
I know he has a sense of male pride that he's providing for his woman and all, but honestly, I'm about a delicate as a brick, okay?
Where there's a will there's a way - and my way won.
My solution is this: He gets the car and I get to walk 1.2 miles to the bus stop and practically get dropped off at my job location.
The Pitfalls
- I basically have a 1.5 hour commute.
- I have to get up at 5 AM if I want to shit, shower, shave, eat breakfast, and have a cup of coffee before I start walking.
- Walking in inclement weather is gonna suck a little -- but I have a plan for that.
- I'm not blogging on Steemit nearly as much as I'd love to! I MISS YOU GUYS!
The Benefits
- At $25/month, a bus pass is significantly cheaper than a second car payment + insurance.
- I'm exercising 5 days a week now.
- I've already dropped half a size in 2 weeks.
- I'm sleeping better than I have in YEARS.
Getting what I want
I am healthier! With walking 3 miles a day, 5 days a week, I'm working on my cardio and notice improvement to my core. I'm losing weight along with eating and sleeping better.
I am happier! My husband and I seem to mirror each other. When he's happy, I'm happy and vice versa. The extra income has eased some of the tension from his shoulders and worry from his eyes.
Home We're looking ahead with 20/20 vision. Instead of a pipe dream we've got a plan to save and buy a piece of property to build our home.
Creature Comforts Living frugally has taught me to appreciate the things that I have. We have no intention of going back to wasteful living, take-out every other night, and expensive "toys" for the sake of having them. My creature comfort is in the form of saving for a computer upgrade, grilling a steak for the boys once in a while, and decent walking shoes. I don't need fancy clothes, the latest iPhone, and a brand new car.
My future is full of wonderful possibilities
and with so many choices ahead I am committed to making healthy decisions.
and with so many choices ahead I am committed to making healthy decisions.
How about you?
If you've read this far then here's something fun
I am going to equally distribute 100 STEEM + 100% of the liquid STEEM from this blog post to 5 randomly selected individuals who respond to this post.
- Anyone can participate.
- Only one entry per person per day (2 entries maximum)
- 5 names will be randomly selected from all qualified entries.
- Distribution of STEEM will be Monday evening, February 6 - so you have until Sunday at midnight (Eastern time) to enter.
Here's the catch
- Follow @steemit-health
- Upvote AND participate in the three daily posts:
* Enter Your Daily Health Score
* What Are You Thankful For Today?
* What's Your Resolution For Today? - Finish this sentence in comments by Saturday night for one entry:
On a perfect day I would wake up in the morning and ____________ - Finish this sentence in comments by Sunday night for one entry:
My favorite activity is___________
I enjoyed reading your post and I'm so happy that things have worked out in a positive day for you.
I saw your contest but it's 2 am and I'm typing with one eye open!
@kus-knee (The Old Dog)
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The Old Dog just needs a squeaky toy to wake up. LOL
I hope you join the contest! The more the merrier. You've got until Sunday midnight to get two entries in. I'm pretty easy going that way. :)
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Congratulations on your effort to consciously make healthy decisions.
Already following steemit-health and has been doing that thing. :-)
And now....
On a perfect day I would wake up in the morning and check my steemit feeds with coffee..
My favorite activity is taiji.
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I definitely see you participating in @steemit-health regularly. I'm surprised he doesn't get more responses so maybe this will help participation a bit more over there. :) Finding the positives throughout the day definitely helps with conscious healthy decisions.
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Yes, it does help. :-)
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Money definitely isn't everything. I have a job that pays well, but it involves a long drive each day and isn't satisfying. I'll take less money for something interesting nearer home
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I hear you @steevc. I had a great job with good pay and I loved it. I quit my managers because my health was more important than the money -- I was to the point where my guts strangled my perfectly healthy appendix so it needed to be removed because of the stress. True story!
It's been a "struggle" ever since. I used to say "I lost everything" but the truth is I only lost my junk stuff. I've got a completely different perspective now.
Yes, I miss my home and puppy time but I love the walk/commute because it helps me clear my head. It's meditative & rejuvenating. It is a means to a way. Thanks for responding! Are you participating in the STEEM giveaway?
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I'm not too worried about the Steem. Others may need it more
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That's amazing. :)
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Well, if you're happy then I'm happy for you! Of course I miss you and selfishly want you to be here more, haha! But seriously, that sounds awesome! Love the goals :)
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I've got about a million tabs open to try and get serious reading done - your stories included! I'm going to be in a @dreemit coma soon. LOL.
Now... Where is your entry for the STEEM?
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I'm so happy for you mere. You made the right decision(s) ...Only one regret? You're no Edith Piaf but you're way ahead of me. I have more regrets than Donne has sins...No, I have more. I've learned to live with them - I write about them. I dream about them at night. Life is an occasional episode of happiness in a general drama of pain. I accept that. What makes me happy are free things like rain and wind and stars and of course, children and animals but I worked hard all my life sometimes working three jobs at a time to raise three kids so I could go on enjoying the free things :) You made the right decisions. I'm happy for you
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I love your quote "Life is an occasional episode of happiness in a general drama of pain." That's a powerful statement but one that I absolutely don't fathom, John.
Here's my attitude: No one gets out alive.
I love the moon, stars, thunderstorms, and listening to the various bird song and I'd be deflated, lost, or off kilter if I didn't have a shot of my free things every day.
I know about working 3 jobs to support a family and I'm so glad that's behind me and we all survived it. Now that I'm practically an empty-nester, I tell everyone that I'm regressing into the happy childhood I always wanted. LOL
In my opinion though, your writing is so easy to connect to because I can feel the depth of pain and longing. I have those deep wells and dark passageways but those stories are only told when they have dialogue if that makes any sense to you.
Maybe they are my would've, could've, should've, but didn't's - you know, playbacks of how I might have done things differently - but I will never call them regrets.
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thanks, mere, as always for your honesty...yes I agree about dialogue being the mainspring of what brings our stories to life. I simply put two characters together and see what happens. The ideal is an authentic exchange - what Martin Buber calls an "I-Thou" relationship. We have that, mere :)
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Excellent post dear friend @ merej99, as far as I know of you. For what you do on the platform I think you are destined to succeed.
You deserve it
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@jlufer, your kind words mean a lot to me, especially since you are one of the most consistent contributors on Steemit. I appreciate you very much.
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Thank you my great friend @ mercij99 for this beautiful return.
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