There is an unspoken rule in my culture that it is NOT ok to be sad. To feel and express sadness means that you have done something wrong, made some mistake or simply you were put together improperly. This is pretty common across most demographics and is something I am NOT ok with.
Sadness is part of life. When we lose someone or something we care about, we respond by grieving. It’s literally how our body/mind complex works. If we repress or diminish this response it’s the emotional equivalent of clogging an exhaust pipe.
Why?? Just WHY??
Why is this the case? Well I’m from the good ol’ United States of America. In our country, since we are the best, we don’t accept any good for nothin’ sissy cryin’ because he lost his momma. Well, that’s what they tell us in school at least. With our overabundance of macho men and super sexualized females, we have created an existential space that doesn’t leave much room for well… anyone. If you don’t fit into the category of hyper muscular, hypo-emotional and fearless to the point of near lunacy you “can not” be a good American. Fortunately these opinions are extremes, yet I feel that an image similar to this exists in the psyche of many of my peers.
Beginning To See The Truth
When I was younger I struggled with depression. Fortunately I had the opportunity to work with a therapist and have been able to overcome this hurdle; however, it took a lot of work. One memory really sticks out to me. I was sitting, talking with my therapist, expecting a rather bland session when he caught me off guard. He asked me what my definition of masculinity was… it took me a moment but I discovered I had a rather simple answer… Clint Eastwood.
My subconscious was telling me that in order for me to accept myself as a man (I was 22 at the time) I would have to
- Chain smoke cigarettes
- Fuck women without any semblance of an emotion
- Kill at least 3 people per hour of on screen time
- And be approximately 55 years old
I was astonished by this realization, but then after further analysis it started to make a lot of sense. I grew up in a media culture, without a strong influence from my dad (he worked a lot). I was left to form my own ideas about masculinity and life in general. With my freedom I went to what I knew, pop culture and media. I guess that good ol’ Clint stuck out as the most prominent figure (James Dean was a close second) and I harnessed his ethos as my North Star for being a man.
So Many Have Been Left Behind
It brings me sadness to think about this now. Since this discovery I have worked to change my ideas about myself and the world I live in. Now I exist with a much more expansive mental space allowing me to live as the diverse and beautiful individual that I am. Yet, I know that many others out there still are burdened by the constraints that they adopted as children and young adults. It brings me great sorrow to know that they are in pain, and even more knowing that this pain is not necessary.
Let's Make A Change
We have all had these experiences. Most of us have even consciously or subconsciously worked to solidify these themes in the world around us (think about all of the time that we judge and label people). I ask you this: Is this the world you want to live in? Do you want to be afraid of expressing your true self, fearful that you may be judged, persecuted or even attacked? I know that I definitely do not want that.
Blueprint For A New World
If you agree with me, and would like a world where we can all exist peacefully while respecting our own and each others individuality, here’s what you can do.
Take some time and analyze your own beliefs. Ask yourself the tough question. Who am I? What is it that I came here to do? What am I stopping myself from doing out of fear?
You may find this challenging. Most likely it will take considerable time and effort to dive to the necessary depths, yet I guarantee that every moment you spend in self discovery will pay immense dividends.
Helping Others Break Free
As you continue to discover yourself, you can also be proactive in empowering others to express themselves. If you see someone that is truly free, or striving to be, give them love and support. Whether it’s a musician busking on a street corner, a young child singly freely or an old man simply smiling out of his gratitude for life, when we begin to support behavior like this, it will become easier for ALL of us to express ourselves freely. It’s kind of like that commercial where one person begins a never ending chain of kindness through a singular act. You can be that one person. You can change the world.
We are all here on this rock together folks. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get a long AND have the ability to live the lives that we REALLY dream about?? I know what I want out of life and I’m not going to quit until we’ve gotten there. I hope that you join us.
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Really sorry .. Do not be sad and give up
This is life
Be sure ..God will not oppress anyone
Thanks for sharing..
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Those fundamental questions we should all be asking ourselves is the reason why we medicate ourselves through all these addictions and mask our emotions. First, it's the willingness to ask the questions, but the second step is to really seek out the answer but the answer is not as obvious as we would like. Finding ourselves and what we stand for is a journey and deliberate, conscious effort. Easier said than done of course.
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Wow @metama I admire the courage you have in coming out to everyone like this. I think everyone suffers from a sort of depression of some sort. You can't have some highs without some lows, this has actually been scientifically proven.
As far as your dad being not around and thinking about Clint Eastwood as masculine, I have a similar situation. My dad was a businessman and I was never around, so I became obsessed with Weight lifting and being strong! I always saw this in movies and to this day continue it. I think it's a good thing.
I really like where you talk about if we all just do one good a day, it can start a chain reaction of goodness. I try to do this simply by holding doors open for people. Random acts of kindness make the world a better place :)
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thanks for sharing your story @jitmisc. Hmu on discord if you want to chat :)
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Totally agree with this:
I read a few of the other links you posted and I really enjoyed them. Thanks for sharing
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The globe is getting smaller and smaller, universality is happening with sports, music, language, technology, food and culture. The American dream is old and people adopting the global dream. That's why the stars hitting our screens are the lots of Bezos, Vitalik Buterin, Justin Sun, Kim Jong Un etc
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What is your global dream?
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To achieve higher consciousness... A time when humanity will not be looking for food for entire lifetimes but serving bigger purposes.
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:) yesssssss! preach it dokta!
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Totally agree with this "The American dream is old and people adopting the global dream" !!!
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One doesnt need validation from media and society to survive. If you belive in something that does not impact anyone else in any other way, then that opinion is right for you. Media still continues to portray people in a certain way and tries to establish what is right or cool and what is wrong. One has to look past that. Others cant dictate the terms on which you live your life and judge yourself.
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We are beings surrounded by a great world around us that influences a lot in the day to day, in the present moment we are filled with what they will say and we do not see beyond what we can show through a smile, let us continue harvesting our heart of beautiful thoughts and that we will transmit.
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I feel as if I have had all of these experiences so that I can learn and share with others. It definitely blunts the sting a bit when our pain is not wasted on personal suffering.
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I love this. I have always thought this way. I too, suffered from depression. Right now, I am the musician on the street corner. That is the way I feel with steemit. Truth is you are an introvert. We are both introverts. Most of the world is run by extroverts. If you research what this means, it will give you a better understanding of yourself. We all have the same dreams.
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Approx. 5 years ago, I spent a year in Canada as an exchange student, and noticed the same thing. Everyone was happy, smiling, outgoing, never showed any sign of sadness. At first, I found it uplifting, but as time went by, I started to feel a bit anxious. I felt like I had to act like everything was fine all time, even though everything never is fine all the time.
I live Finland, and I find that people express more of their emotions here than in North America. Somehow it's good, but sometimes it isn't ideal either. When people feel they have the right to be sad at any time, they aren't willing to make any effort to feel better. For some, it's an ongoing vicious circle, and it's quite hard to be a bystander...
However, thank you for this though provoking post, it's important that people address this problem!
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I whole-heartedly agree!
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Thank you @metama for writing this post. As a new Steemian, I'm trying to learn from posts like yours. Your openness and quality blogging style is a perfect example to follow. I feel that Steemit is a positive experience for our mental health, while the negative comments on Youtube and the fake: look at my perfect life, nature of other social media sites is negative for our mental health.
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:) thanks for the feedback and the support!
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I think the biggest thing we can do for others is love. It is the only resource that can not be exhausted. We, as humans, have as much love as we are willing to give and if everyone decided to give just a little more love everyday, this world would change before we know it.
I think this post is amazing and I hope others read it and decide to love everyone around them.
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Love it anna :) You should join our discord channel
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Hi! I am a @cat3. I like your post! I also post content that readers might be interested in:
https://steemit.com/earnmoney/@cat3/my-success-work
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Thanks for the wonderful post
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I have gone through a similar experience to yours. I too, know the pain and the joy of self-discovery. During that journey, I heard someone make an interesting statement about depression. He said that depression is really just the mind and body depressing feelings that are not tolerated by a person that has been trained not to tolerate those feelings.
The other point I wanted to make is that posts like this prove to me over and over again that cooperation is what makes mankind. Yes, we can be competitive, but I have some indirect evidence that competitiveness arises from abuse.
As a result of more than 2 decades of work on myself, I live a life of relative peace, even around difficult people. This is what I share on Steemit.
Write on.
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Thank you @metama. I can't explain, but I needed that playa..
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Do you know why they call it the American dream, it’s because you gotta be a sleep to believe it.
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Congratulation metama! Your post has appeared on the hot page after 23min with 4 votes.
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hurrah!
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@metama when you lost someone that you love it will be hurt and very sad cannot explain how hurt!
but the time can fix it
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Excelent
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American dream is now American Nightmare..
In my recent trip to USA and Mexico, i felt more safer and accepted in Mexico, then in usa. Every second person i approached in usa asked me "Oh, so it might be like a dream come true for you, right?" Well to be frank, the country is beautiful, but most of them are racist, especially cops.
Recently an indian engineer was shot and killed saying "Get out of my country".
Americans are not being taught their true history, that they all are actually Europeans. Killed millions of natives, and illegally migrated.
Entire USA was created by illegal immigration and brutal killings, slavery and rapes of the natives.
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It's funny you say this, I just got back from 3 months in Colombia. The "first" thing I saw when back in the states was a black male arguing with two police officers. I DEFINITELY felt safer in Colombia than I do in the states.
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Third world countries are much safer. No shootings happen at schools.. lolzz.. And even though cops take bribes, they dont kill random people just for sitting in the car or cross wrongly or if they keep hands in pockets.
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Completely agree with u. It the same thing as crying is a sign of weakness.
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Joys as sorrows must learn to live, because everything in life requires your time, not everything is joy, not everything is sadness. Everything in its time.
It's not just in the US UU What happens to this type of problem with what is called the problem of machismo and sexualized women, in Latin America is a behavior that is becoming more and more intense every day.
For my part I do not want to live in a world in which the one who is is determined by an image of a famous person and not by what you really are. But that decision must come from within us and not from an outside person.
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I feel curious to read your writing because the title is so interesting and the picture is too. Hi metama! I am Sity. Nice to read yours!
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thank you for sharing this! i think we are headed towards achieving a balance of masculine and feminine...it is going to take time though x
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You got a 12.20% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @metama!
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The number of people on earth is different thought
There is
One who is different is not an enemy
Another man with another view
If we accept the same principle
Our relationship will be better
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so amazing and true.it starts by knowing who you are then your purpose of existence.once you know all that its a step to use what you have to help other achieve their own objectives.everything we go through either bad or good we should use it as an opportunity to grow and educate others.our existence is to help one another.thanks for this amazing post.im a writer too.very new on steemit and hoping to help the community with my own writings.will appreciate you check out my post.
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Thank you. With so much of our children's rearing being done by school and media we really need to think about what they are learning and the consequence this has on our society.
This short North Korean propoganda film, isn't too far off...
https://www.facebook.com/EducateInspireChange.org/videos/1468624826558123/.
I feel we need to go back to teaching values and emotional intelligence in school - teaching acceptance, tolerance, forbearance, and contribution. Thanks for the read!
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Many are not smart enough to throw off the propaganda, and thus they are all just really afraid to challenge their own mind.
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if you like to add some point?
Upvote my post, comment and follow me
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Nice article. Resteemed!
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This article gave me all the good feels 💕
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I grew up on television, too. Full House, Saved by the Bell, Who's the Boss, and a bunch of 60s and 70s stuff.
It's so wonderful seeing masculinity change in our culture. I know that men feel such relief to learn that they can cry and be sad. I know a lot of them have a hard time learning how to do it. But it's a relief nonetheless.
The younger generations - the people in their twenties now are sooooooo much better at this! All who I've met- that old concept of masculinity is dead.
This is lovely. And you're absolutely right. We should encourage this.
You and I have very similar interests and things we write about. I'm definitely following you.
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