Continued from part V
The first day we spent together was kind of like walking in a dark mysterious cave.
Not sure where you're going, you fumble, tripping in the darkness. You try to get your footing when suddenly there's a shaft of light refracting colors of beautiful gems hidden in the rock. At times I didn't know this person at all. He seemed so different than what I remembered. It had been over 30 years. Back then did I really know him? But then I'd get a glimpse of that young boy I fell in love with so long ago. Often one of us would look at the other in a curious way. Exhibits of a certain mannerism or laugh or even a specific facial expression would jar our memories. "Oh, there you are" he'd say and smile. "It's you!".
He wanted to go for a hike; to take me to a bit of forest he was very familiar with and knew we'd have to ourselves.
As we walked and talked I found him rather frenetic in is manner of speech. I think it was his excitement coupled with being stoned. He said he’d never been with any woman that could “keep up with him” in regards to his intellect. He was talking about some pretty out there stuff which I could comprehend but he was talking so fast it was hard to absorb it all. I needed him to slow down a bit. The subject of Burning Man came up as he referenced it a lot. After all, it had been a big part of his life for the last 14 years. There definitely was some serious catching up to do.
nature boy
I needed to know who he was. Who he was now.
We then made our way down to the coast. He wanted us to proclaim our love to one another at the ocean’s edge but we only made it to the cliffs. The trail looked a bit difficult and steep to me and I suggested we just do it from a safe vantage point. Sort of a metaphor for our new life.
We kissed and held each other looking out over the surf and setting sun. We loved each other, that was clear.
The topic of so, what now? was next. He lived in Northern California while I lived down south in LA. We talked about his relationship with the ex-girlfriend he was still living with. He met her at his first Burning Man 14 years ago and thought he'd found love. It was a rebound relationship after a sudden divorce. He said, she had been abused at a young age and had intimacy issues he was helping her work through. Needless to say they had intimacy issues as the sex stopped after about four years. He lost his job and reverted inward. The relationship fizzled into a roommate/indentured slave situation. She paid the bills while he basically was the grounds keeper. She kicked him to the curb several times but he returned again and again like stray cat. She allowed him to stay but he lived without love. Then she brought a new man home which pushed him further into his hole. Literally.
He slept on the dirt in the crawl space under what once was “their” house.
Prince Charming was living like a hermit in the basement. Reclusive, paranoid, depressed and self-medicating with weed and tobacco. Without a job he had no means to free himself from this trap he was in. It was a sad existence if you ask me, as much as he defended it. His “happiness immune system” was keeping him in a state of blind acceptance. He spent hours, days, weeks in front of his computer. Waiting for his once a year trip out to Black Rock Desert to do his part. His plan was to move out there eventually. When he'd get the means he'd buy and old school bus, dig a hole big enough to drive into then bury himself with all of his belongings.
That broke my heart.
I met his cats Nora and Hannah and showed me his garden and the bounty of tomatoes he had produced. Then he led me to his basement dwelling. It was dark and full of boxes and crap like any other basement with a desk and his computer set up. The desk was covered in burn marks from joints or cigarettes. He showed me his feathers, crystals and magic wand. My photo lay there, too. He said this is where he sat when we'd Skype or chat online. He spent most of his time focusing on this online virtual world called Second Life. The place he spent most of his time other than the garden which was beautiful and flourishing. Then he showed me the crawl space where he slept. A divot was carved out in the dirt where he laid blankets and padding and a pillow. I couldn’t believe it. My Prince Charming sleeping THERE. I just shook my head in disbelief.
What happened? Why was he living this way?
He has well above average intelligence, he's extremely kind, he has abilities, skills...why isn't he working? How can this be? Is there something wrong with him? I began to consider the likelihood there was.
Over the last three years he has exhibited signs that something definitely was up.
He had trouble in social settings, parties, grocery stores, airports...he would spend hours upon hours focusing on one thing - online gambling, Second Life, old maps, movies, books and more books. He has dozens of notebooks filled with his scribbles, notes, figures, plans, analysis, ideas....on and on. Between that deep concentration and sleep there would be bouts of juvenile antics, making faces, the inability to just be NORMAL, relaxed and mature. He had multiple things going on at once forgetting to do the things he was supposed to do or was asked to do a hundred times.
Turns out Prince Charming has lived his entire life with undiagnosed ADHD.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, plus social anxiety which is a common comorbid of ADHD. Plus ODD, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Which explains his acting out during his teen years and his subsequent two month stint in juvenile hall for ripping of a Foster's Freeze. It didn't end there but he managed to control his temper and his delinquent behavior as he got older. However, his struggles continued through out his life. But he had a brief moment in his thirties where he landed a job as a computer consultant for the welfare department in Chico, Ca. Lasted about five years and, from the outside, he seemed like an ordinary guy with a normal job, a wife and a dog.
Then the wife wanted a divorce. And from his stand point it came out of nowhere. Then his mother died.
That set him on a downward spiral.
(to be continued)
Keep up the great work @michelegraybeal
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