The Woman Who Chooses Ice Cream

From June until October of this previous year, I have the privilege of living and working in Beijing. I wrote about many of my experiences during my sojourn and would love to share some of them with you. Here is one day that stood out in a sea of memorable days.

"Today I taught an all-day class focused on 3D printing. The day was a bit of a cluster f*** for many reasons - I have absolutely zero experience with 3D printing and I came down with a nasty cold literally as I was teaching. But the moment of the day that was most upsetting was a conversation I had with a 6 year old girl in the class.

The exchange went something like this:

Me: "Annie, did you do anything fun after class yesterday?"

Annie: "Yes! My mom, sister and I went shopping and got ice cream."

Me: "Oh yum! What flavor ice cream did you eat?"

Annie: "I had purple, my sister had blue, but my mom didn't have any because she's learning how to not be fat."

My once excited expression instantly faded. Mind you I've met this mother and she is far from fat. She is rather skinny, in fact. BUT the mother's actual size is completely irrelevant. Annie, a 6 year old girl, now associates ice cream with weight gain. Luckily, she still ate her ice cream last night and I hope she continues to do so until she is 86 or 96 or 106.

This dialogue between a mother and a daughter and then a teacher and a student reflects a larger issue: the relationship between girls, body image, and disordered eating. I know this is not a new problem. It is global, pervasive, and destructive in nature.

Here's the bottom line: Food is not bad. Food is not good. Food does not have any intrinsic value. Food only becomes what we project onto it.

I am no stranger to disordered eating and giving foods value or permission to be eaten. Ice cream was a big no no...celery was acceptable. And you know what that mindset gave me? A black hole of isolation, self-loathing, and negative all-consuming thoughts. It is my sincere hope that Annie avoids this plague of disordered eating. That she remains enthusiastic to eat that sweet treat. That she does not take her mother's mindless comments to heart or carry them around for the rest of her life.

I want to tell Annie that beauty is not physical. Beauty is not a size. Beauty is kindness and respect. Beauty is loving yourself and loving others.

My exchange with Annie was a good reminder - I want to be the woman who chooses ice cream."