I was on a quest to reclaim my lost vitality and inner tranquilly. Fortunately, I was able to catch up with them before they could go too far away. I was concerned because they were prepared to be buried so deeply in my thoughts. Strangely, a sense of reluctance and tiredness began to permeate my entire body at this point. I was completely clueless as to what was going on. It was because I was running out of ideas that I rolled up my sleeves and started working on the tasks I described in my previous post.
As a result, I was a little stuck at first. "Don't get too worked up, Pnar," I advised. This couldn't possibly go indefinitely! In my mind, I reassured myself, "You are human, and you will lose yourself in your emotions from time to time." My feelings have been liberated as a result of acceptance. In this moment, I commit to be still and do nothing. I leaned back in my chair and let out a sigh. I began to wait after becoming aware of my inaction.
I came to the realisation that always attempting to prepare and perform was exhausting me. Everything, including the projects that are always whirling in my thoughts, has begun to lose their sheen. It is occasionally possible to see something from the outside and realise it has incredible potential.
That's when I decided to retire and began to observe my own life from the comfort of my couch. My favourite part was having to pause multiple scenes, comment on them, and then rewind to make the next scene even better.
What did I notice when I came to a standstill to understand my own thoughts? Oh, I'm such an unkind judge! That may be true of others, but it is not true of me.
Both self-criticism and self-criticism were my adversaries. Voila! Eventually, I realised why I was going to publish "I lost my energy, it is empty," and it made sense. I was unable to move as a result of my harsh judgments, lack of self-acceptance, and obsession with perfection. It threw my sense of inner calm and stability out of whack. 'How did I get here?' My centre began to change, and I was able to witness it from my vantage point.
I haven't recently been ranked first in any subject matter. Everyone else was given precedence, but I was usually sent to the bottom of the list or not even considered at all. This had hampered my ability to concentrate, thrown my equilibrium off balance, sapped my energy, and robbed me of my inner tranquilly!
And I wouldn't have discovered it if I hadn't taken a deep breath. I'm glad I did it. Fortunately, I didn't disregard the fact that my perplexity was centred on specific persons.
We may be able to silence our inner voices to such a degree that we only experience momentary reprieve from the pain. Nope, not this time. It was something I had to face and accept. My complex emotions marched in front of me like a Christmas parade, and it was difficult to keep up. I addressed them as if they were representatives of their own governments. Then I said something like, "I see you and I accept you." It seemed as though they were leaving to make way for other feelings to take their place.
I'm currently curled up on my sofa, this time with a cup of my favourite pleasure coffee in hand. This was intended to be a joyous manifesto in the traditional sense.
When was the last time you gave yourself a little something special? Your turn has here, and remember that we must make our life a cause for celebration.