The journey home was very long. I couldn't believe what just happened, this was the first time I was told that I wasn't good enough and I didn't take it well at all.
Sitting at the bus stop for a least an hour contemplating and thinking about many things. What do I do? Where do I go? Who can or should I tell? So many scenarios, but at the very root of it all I couldn't handle the rejection.
This was the last thing I was expecting to happen, as I thought I was in the Chelsea team and the hard work had already been done. Where was the scout that told me to come? I had so many questions I didn't have the answer to.
Could I go back to Orient? I thought, but no they wouldn't take me back after ignoring them during the past week. I had also cut my ties at Dagenham & Redbridge. When I arrived home I sat on my bed just thinking and thinking I thought my dream was over.
Staying quiet seemed the best way for me to deal with the situation as I was both embarrassed and ashamed and I didn't have anyone to talk to.
I didn't touch a ball for a while after, and for the first time I started to think about things other than football. Some of my friends from my area were still playing at grassroots level and they would ask me to come and play for their teams but I wasn't ready to drop down to grassroots again.
Slowly the pain I was feeling from the rejection was subsiding as I could start to watch football again on the TV and I found myself going for a kick about on my own again soon after.
The season was almost over so I had the chance to start over, so I decided to write letters to clubs again as I now had Dagenham, Orient and Chelsea on my CV.
Letters got sent, and I didn't hear back from most clubs, but Stevenage Borough invited me down for a pre-season trial, I was back in the game.
To be continued....