One Of My Childhood Near-Death Experiences

I was reading a post by @bitdollar about what makes life meaningful and I began to think about some of the times when I came close to losing my life. Yes, that's how my mind works; I listen to metal - sue me!

I'm going to briefly tell you about one of those times, but as you already know how it ends, I'm going to tell the story backwards - Memento style.

The End

...and so I survived to see another day.

Now you can see why I didn't start at the beginning and work up towards an incredibly obvious ending.

The Middle Bit (like the cream in a cookie)

I sat on the sofa in the living room, looking out the window, thinking that the moment would pass like any other. But I couldn't breathe. I tried coughing, but no air came out. I tried swallowing, but that was useless. A minute went by and I still wasn't breathing.

I tried harder to force the air out of my lungs, but couldn't achieve anything more than a tiny splutter. I fell to the floor, writhing in agony as my body fought for oxygen. I wasn't afraid of dying; I'd lived the full life of a 12 year old and was satisfied that I couldn't have done more. But I knew that my mother would be furious if she came home and found me dead on the floor, and the thought of her getting angry put me off the idea of just accepting my fate.

You know how people say "my life flashed before my eyes" when something dangerous happens to them? I always thought that it was just an expression, but it isn't. It actually happens! This was the first of two occasions when my life has flashed before my eyes and it was the most vivid.

As my brain searched for a way to survive the current situation, images of people, places and events that I'd forgotten appeared in quick succession. Perhaps 8 or 10 images per second. None of them held the answer as to how I would escape Death, which was a bit of a bumber. Still, it was nice to see old acquaintances again.

My lungs were empty and almost two minutes had passed. I knew that I was seconds away from passing out and dying. I contorted my throat and made one last push. If air wouldn't come out, at least my lung would.

The Beginning

It was the 1980's and Ireland was a poor country. My mother and I were poorer than most. Our doctor used to complain to my mother that I was just skin and bone; it wasn't uncommon for us to have no food at home. On this one occasion, we did have a jar of Panda two tone spread. I think that the flavours were chocolate and vanilla. I remember that it was better than Nutella, though. Much better! Unfortunately, on this day of all days, I didn't have any bread to put it on.

So, I pulled a big soup spoon out of the drawer and began to eat it straight out of the jar. I shovelled great big globs of the stuff into my mouth with youthful glee. I must have breathed out and moved the spread over my palate before then breathing in and accidentally sending it down the wrong way.

I wasn't worried. It was delicious chocolate spread, which is practically a 12 year olds guardian angel. It's not like it was going to kill me!

The Moral of The Story

Be sure to take a deep breath before you begin spooning a panda on your couch.