Hello everyone. I just wanted to make this post explaining a little more about what happened yesterday and what is happening today for me in my drama filled life :(
Basically, I'm in a pretty strange spot in life right now, I’ve finished high school and 2 years of college. I’ve decided that I’m going to go on a 2-year church mission for my church but right now, there are things in my life preventing me from going.
So right now, every day I wake up, go to work, come home, and wish that my life could get going already.
My past has been so exciting, I’ve done so much and made so much money and been so good at everything I try. It’s just really hard for me to make these big life changes and keep a positive attitude.
Yesterday
Ok so while I’m in this weird spot in life, I’ve developed some very odd friends. One in particular is female and has been an amazing relationship and at the same time it’s been so bad. Just to be clear, this isn't a serious thing, we have talked about it and have both agreed to be just good friends instead of a more serious thing.
Thing is, even though we both have agreed on that, it’s getting more serious and serious. it’s really tough for me to balance everything. I’m leaving for 2 years and she knows that and it’s not like we can make any promises this early on in life anyways.
ok well anyways, I really just wanted to explain what happened yesterday.
Me and this friend, got into an argument over text. yes, it’s stupid I know.
these last few days I’ve been looking and observing signs that I think lead to, or at least point to, some sort of secret relationship. From what I can tell, it’s not even a real-life thing, more like an online "sexting" thing. I don't know how else to describe it.
Why do I think this? Well for 1, I’ve seen some of her messages (on Instagram) with this guy in particular (mostly talking about her body). Another huge red flag is the fact that she is deleting all her messages on Instagram. I really don't know what to think and it’s not really that I care about her doing something like that, it’s just the fact that she is hiding it and not being honest.
I’ve sort of asked her about it and she hasn't opened up to me which is really hurtful to me because I’ve always been 100% honest with her. I’ve told her things that nobody else knows about me and even something that no other females (besides my mother) knows.
##ANYWAYS
So yesterday we were texting after work (we both work at the same place), and something triggered me, and I felt like she wasn't being honest with me. It felt like she was concealing information and acting like it wasn't there. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARN'T HONEST.
So, I just straight up asked her why she was lying. Honestly, she just made up a ton of excuses and acted like she wasn't doing anything wrong. I then just sort of lost it and started being sort of mean (Prolly not a good move on my part).
Anyways - so that happened and it got to a point where I just stopped texting her altogether. I’m still pretty angry and feel super hurt and offended.
In a few hours I’m supposed to go to church and she’s going to be there, and I have no idea what/if I’m going to say if I see her. This is so complicated its insane.
She seems to think I’m just being dramatic and trying to ruin things, which I’m not. I hate drama more than anything but at the same time I feel like everything I do creates it.
Life is too short to get caught up with shit like this. I’m just going to move on, I think. We can still talk but really, I think we got too close too fast.