Are midlife crisis more common to women then men? Are they hormonal based? And what to do to overcome them? So strange questions, I have no idea what to answer to this actually.

This is my first post after one month of steemit break. So why have I been so long away? Actually, I was away from computer life. I was in THE PRESENT. Have barely touched the computer in the last month (just a bit of crypto security, some jazz and seinfeld).

I remember reading on #ecotrain tag about a brother who did this experiment with staying with NO INTERNET for one month!

Jeez! My hero! I have no physical addictions, no tobacco, cafe or stuff. But i am addicted to the INTERNET! Which is not necessary a bad thing... if you use it good. But I misuse it. Anyway. One day I am gonna take the challenge to go INTERNET-free for one week. My plastic free week was piece of cake comparing to this new challenge :)

But not today! Not tomorrow. Just Inshallah :)

If you feel you are enlightened go spend a week with your family

Do you remember that way of saying? If you feel you are en lighted go spend a week with your family? :) Well, I am doing this at this very present moment. And I am far from enlightenment. Nor will I ever want to be :) I just want to be a joyful person. Well, my mum and dad and sister and her bf came for a visit to my unconventional life-style. You know, the living in the country side, with solar panels, outside toilet, raining house, climbing mountains and walking on dirt tracks. AND THEY LIKED IT! I felt a bit more socially accepted as a hippie that my heart chose to be. But being with them, I can feel myself more angry and frustrated then ever, but I try to analyze from a different perspective the family dynamics and try not to react to it. Just to observe how the frustration comes and to try to change the reaction, in order to change the pattern.

My family meets my off grid life

My parents are together for 35 years now. I always saw them as a happy example. Happily ever after type. Were they real happy? Well, they DO fight a lot for all the minor things, but somehow they managed to survive the fighting and the daily crush and they are on this journey together. I come from a religious ex communist country, where off course there is not such thing as a divorce (such a new concept!). And still. People are still into this.

And look at us. Look at them. They have 2 daughters - 30 and 33 with whom they spend a week holiday. We are not in harmony, but we manage to survive and keep us together. Is somebody in harmony? Who know, not me, we never lost control. You are face to face with the man who sold the world.

I missed writing. So this will be just a post with no subject, just a flowing one.

###Reinventing myself
What did I did in one month?

I STARTED EATING MEAT! After 10 years. WHY? Because in life it is good not to get stuck in your principles and not to induct barriers and limits in our lives. That's why! Maybe it sounds weird and God knows who will read this. But I started eating MEAT for my own freedom. For the freedom of my mind, not for the pleasure. And to stop feeling SO GUILTY that I destroy the Earth by being.

You know guys, and I am sure you do. Because if you are here, we are alike. Being conscious it is such a hard job.... Taking the red pill is no way back... Getting out of the Cave like in Plato's myth... No return.
I FEEL GUILTY FOR DESTROYING THE PLANET. And I can not stop it. I try not to use plastic, I do.
I am driving. Diesel kills us all.
I was a vegetarian for the animals not to suffer. They suffer anyway.
I was using nappies (50% of the time).
I am polluting the Earth so much! ME, The Purple Moon that is so conscious and loves mama earth so much. Me, The Purple Moon that LOVES life on Earth so much. I just keep on destroying the Earth.
In vain is to diminish our foot print. The best thing we can do for our Earth and for the goodness for Pacha Mama is to suicide. But I love life, so what could I do? I am always living in a paradox and a continuous dilemma.
I can not enjoy the simple pleasures (like eating a chocolate bar for ex) without thinking that I killing the Earth.

Another day. Another midlife crisis

So let's try. I have half of life left (inshallah!). The Earth is dying anyway. Me I am going anyway. I would experiment a new self. New values, new principles, new loves, new me. Why not? Reinventing myself.
I must pass through a middle age crisis. My birth day is coming soon. There is a big shock for me when I am thinking TIME IS RUNNING OUT! You see the end of the LINE? DEATH! NOTHING! or something? NOTHING or SOMETHING. Who cares? Game is over, friends. The only thing we know for sure is that THIS IS THE LIFE. Maybe there is after life. Maybe there are more lives. There are only presumptions. But we know for sure that we are alive. So let's make the best of it. Like reinventing ourselves.

What I never did and I would experiment is having performances. I am SO SHY. Inferior complex shyness. I would love to dance like nobody is watching in front of everybody. I would love to write love letters to myself more often. I would love to go to Heaven more times before I live Earth.

Writing is my therapy

So tonight I am listening to Flamenco, staying with a white screen and a keyboard and thinking of our mortality (i must think of it a few times a week).

So that's it. I really missed writing. But hell yeah, life in the real life is so good! Now I am gonna leave you and I am gonna check one by one what you were doing in this month!

Happy Spring ladies and gentlemen! May you have Sun in your Heart, if there is not on the Sky! May you blossom and shine that you become contagious.

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Anyone who knows me, should learn to know me again; For I am like the Moon, you will see me with new face everyday. Rumi