That's touching. I suffered panic attacks since I was 14, and had some really dark times when I felt scared even to take my beloved dog for a walk. Those times are a thing of the past now and I live an almost normal life but still, when I have to plan a trip I feel the same mix of excitement and anxiety you wrote about in your beautiful post. Here's a funny thing: the "cobblestone streets" are my streets, I live very near to Rome (search for Castel Gandolfo on Google if you're curious!) and I'd like to visit some relatives and friends I have in USA and Canada! As for your question, I think I never felt "my own hero" but there are moments where I felt proud of me for mantaining the calm despite the fact all was going wrong around me. Last time it probably was when I had to run in the night to find an oxygen tank for my mom which was unable to breath for she have ALS and a very bad pneumonia. While driving to the pharmacy I noticed that I was worried for my mom's life, but ready to accept whatever could have happened. And probably there's the "secret" to fight our fears: stop trying to control everything and start living day-by-day, accepting what life give us and adapting like water to best fit our spaces. Screaming "I don't care", and doing what we have to do!
May you travel to the best places for the rest of your life! <3
I hope you can find some peace in all the madness that is having a loved one with a serious illness. I'm sorry she has ALS. That is so hard! My mother had cancer, and didn't make it. I understand the feelings one can have when trying to make sense of the fears that come up. You should definitely be proud for staying calm. It's very hard to do! Hugs
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Thank you very much! Luckily enough, we both are strong and we both have a lot of sense of houmor, so we are living this thing day bay day and with a big smile. I know for sure she will not make it and I'm ready to accept what will happen because everything is better than living imprisoned in your body. Until that day I count every new day as "a chance more to have her with me". Thank you again and hugs to you too!
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