As a young, hot blooded male I was the king of carving out my destiny and laying waste to anything and everything on the path behind me. I didn’t care. I honestly didn’t care. I look back at that and worry if should I have went on any other path would I have ended up in dark places that would strike fear into the hearts of even the hardest person. I’ve read before that more people than you know have the Psychopathic personality type but function very well in society. They go into being business leaders, Politicians and Lawyers.Looking back at the mess that I carved up in my late teens and early twenties I know there is some stuff in there that certain people won’t be able to excuse easily; however as a middle aged man I’m trying to make amends for all of the early craziness by helping myself and helping others through deep introspection.Helping myself? How does that help anyone you ask? Well, in my eyes once you are able to help yourself then you have the ability to help others. It’s the founding principles of leadership. Anyway. Let’s get started.
- Always analyse what you say to people
I’ve read a lot of how not to be a nice guy books and most of them tell you that your feelings are really important and that you should always say how you feel and what you mean. However, through a painstakingly sharp learning curve I have learned that people also have feelings, thoughts and reactions too. And that by storming into a room and telling everyone that “you’re not happy” isn’t generally proactive to getting anything solved. Think before you speak, and think after you speak too. If you feel that the conversation has went a bit too far – pull it back by an apology, or a different topic.
2. Always analyse why you do certain things.
I like to call what I do a cycle of habits. I’m always trying to better myself and reach a level where I am more appreciative of the last. Nothing is perfect, I’m human and I’m constantly making mistakes. Constantly. 20 years ago I’d look back at a situation and think, “well that was nasty” but with no deeper analysis. Why it went wrong, how it went wrong. When you discover the reasons as to why and how, then you can take action to stop them happening again. Unless, of course you’re happy making the same mistakes over and over.
3. Always analyse why people say the things that they do
A great insight into non-judgementalism is full awareness of why people do bad things, or why people mess up. If you are more aware that the racist doesn’t like the local Romanian purely because his Dad would constantly tell him in his youth that foreigners were destroying the country. Or that the work bully is only lashing out because his wife doesn’t hug him enough, and that he suffered childhood trauma. It makes it harder for you, yourself to judge and to take positive action to educate, inspire and change these people.
4. Analyse the women/men that attract you
A great great insight into human behaviour and possibly a step forward into the realms of change would be to analyse the partners that attract you. Why do they make you feel this way? What do they say to you that clicks your buttons? What turns you on? Why does that type of facial feature attract you? And so on. Sometimes it’s a necessity for our survival to change this because often the people that we attract and vice versa can be very toxic to our wellbeing. Before I met my wonderful wife it was always unavailable women that attracted me. Long story!