Closure. This magical way to close any spiritual and mental wound and let the past be the past. You heard about it, right?
People talk about closure all the time. A friend of mine just told me she's meeting someone from her past. What do I think about that? she wondered.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked. I know the history on this matter and I personally would not be down to meet with someone who hurt me.
"I need CLOSURE!" she answered.
What exactly is this "closure" that everyone seems to need?
The ending of a significant piece of one's life -- a relationship, a job, a stage of life, or a way of thinking -- may be difficult and even painful for many of us. Something that you once counted on as very important to your life is over and done.
Closure means finality; a letting go of what once was.
Psychology Today
Ok, it all sounds pretty therapeutic. Of course, when you hurt, you want it to stop. While closure usually refers to romantic relationships but as we see, it can refer to anything really. The only bad thing about closure though is this:
IT DOES NOT EXIST!
It is a made up concept. Who made it up, I am not sure: therapist?! MOVIES?! our need for patterns and symmetry in our life?!
All of the above?
What's certain is that "closure" implies that life is structured somehow around your experiences. In fact, we structure these experiences around life. End of school. end of a relationshop, end of a career. These things can hurt but also, eventually, after a long time, we seem them as a "period" in our life. A neat little box to add to the next box in our life.
Very nice.
But life doesn't work like that. In fact, life's most striking feature is " the unexpected". You don't know how and well will end. Why should your relationships be any different?
There's an inherent weakness to wanting "closure" from someone else. No one can give you that. It's for you to find in yourself and make peace with how things turned out by yourself. All else is a crutch that will never really give you what you really really want when you say you want closure: freedom from the past.
You can do worst by following the advice of... A MAGIC DOG.
But let's be real. We are humans. I know I am. It's hard to let go of anything and we dream of our favorite cup long after it is gone and never really really give up on the hope that it will, somehow, return to us.
Still, I stand by my words: No one else can give you "closure".
As for my friends, of course she contacted that person and they will meet soon enough. I hope it all goes well for her but I have my doubts.
What about you?
Do you agree with me? Do you think closure is real?
Leave a comment and prove me wrong
[though I like it more when ppl agree with me :D ]
It's funny, I've got that favorite cup. It's a custom made coffee mug from one of my ex's, but we had a good relationship. Could never chunk it out the window, no closure for me!
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DO IT! :P
No, I kid, if you can use it with no hard feelings..maybe you actually already got closure :)
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you human?
I thought you're an alien hahah
peace raz!
no closure .. will think about that :)
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right? :))
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Actually gives me happy memories when i use it with no hard feelings. It was just our time to head our separate ways, that's all. Like your favorite band t-shirt you got from that awesome concert. Good memories :)
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Nice! I still use my favorite cup from my childhood, which was given by my grandma (she passed away 3 years ago :(( ). Still think about her every morning when i see that cup.
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The best way to achieve closure is also the hardest - forgiveness..
Upvoted and following you my friend @razvanellmarin
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wise words, friend.
Thank you.
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My comment is but a ripple from your post.
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My partner and I were talking about this the other night. I've never needed to have "closure" in any relationship or situation. Which is amazing to her and (according to her expert diagnosis) the reason I'm a dick haha
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or a psycho! :))
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Very true!
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This is just what I needed to read today! Thank you so much!
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High praise, friend!!!
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Foregiveness is the best closure theres really no closure per say you have to forgive & move on in my opinion.
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very wise.
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Most people I know are always complaining about something that already happened. I find myself doing it also. Sometimes we just need to let go of things and take advantage of our most valuable asset that we'll never get back and make the most of it...
time.
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You know what they say. Your life starts when you realize you only have one...
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Agreed!
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Oh man you touch on some subjects that have me reading the whole thing in a heart beat.
I consider this as one of my big weaknesses... closure. It's something I've been really bad at.
I guess I'm just weak like that.
I always leave room for something to might maybe perhaps could just happen again, even though I SHOULD NOT.
I guess closure comes hard when you doubt and have uncertainties about yourself. So you have to first fix that about u.
Oh well I know I can't afford a psychologist lol
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:)) I want to say that...it's ok!
I mean, we are all like that, little weaknesses creep up on us and it's harder to fight them at first but in time, you get better at knowing yourself and prevent a slippage.
The idea is that you must know, be sure that closure is the smartest thing to do. Sometimes, you need to look after number 1 :)
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I would feel so much better if I knew that everyone has this issue buttt it has been proved to me that some people can close really fast. I attribute this to lack of compunction and I feel better right away
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I actually have a lot of good memories of past relationships and not sure if I want to let them go. What if they make me happy to remember them, well kinda happy and sad at the same time. Would that mean I'm not ready for closure, would closure help? Closure to me seems kinda like amnesia, I just wouldn't remember at all.
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Having the memories is absolutelly normal we all have and cherish them. However closing the relationship with the person is another thing. Leaving room in ur head in the hopes that one day history might repeat itself is not okay imo.
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Think I'm ok then, just happy with the memories, that history might repeat itself is an impossibility, so don't even imagine that happening.
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Haha you are definitely ok
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"Closure" to me is more about our need to release ourselves from the attachment to a person, place, or thing. I compair it to forgiveness. I believe I can achieve this without becoming reinvolved with the person, place, or thing. I simply allow myself to detach.
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That's very nicely put!
I think that's key, it's about dealing with your own feelings and take responsibility vs expecting someone from outside to help you.
It's very difficult for most people as we like to play the "blame game"!
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Very good and true post. Thank you @ch00fy
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IN relationships or the living I don't understand the concept. Someone that has died, that last conversation or the last time you see them before they close that casket is the image and the voice you will remember most forever. I think if someone has to go to a morgue and try to identify a decapitated body then they have a closed casket, they feel there wasn't enough time with that person at the end! I understand your point , it is a made up concept, but the mind is very complex from one person to another!
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Well, I agree with you on this :-)
People should move on with their lives and seek happiness rather than looking at the past and trying to figure out what they could have done.
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Agreed on it being a personal thing. In the experiences I've had in life it tends to just boil down to a decision of deciding to move on. Obviously reaching that point can be a pain in the ass at times, and for some it never gets to that point.
Whenever I've gotten closure on any situation it's always me looking at the reality of a situation, actually OBSERVING for once and looking at what is right in front of me. Realizing it's not what I want or it isn't good for me. Deciding to move on and then removing it from my life.
I think the problem is that, in relationships, people hang on to hope that something will change. There is some idea that the person is hanging on to that isn't allowing closure. "He/She will be different, He/She can change, I screwed up, it wasn't his/her fault, etc." which causes a situation to persist and continue. You see it all the time in abusive relationships. The person isn't analyzing what is actually occurring, there is no observation of reality or they break up and one pines for the other for a long time hoping for some change.
There has to be an observation and a realization. I think that's the real closure. A realization of the reality and a decision to move on. That's the simplicity below all of the complexities.
I recently got myself out of a situation by doing that and have been doing much better in life since then. I'm more productive, making more money and i'm happier in my general mood.
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In the end of the day, everybody has to face his demons sooner or later or they will haunt him forever, no therapist would do that instead of you...
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Closure is absolutely an internal concept. It is your own personal acceptance of a situation that is outside of your control.
Whether or not you feel emotional pain (or physical) after you have reached acceptance is irrelevant. Closure is simply acknowledging that it happened and there's nothing more that you can do about it.
Cheers!
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mandela-effect....I guess...hehehehhe
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It really is a strong power we allow others and experiences to have over us. We hold the key to closure in our own minds, but often we rely on the action of another to provide that closure. Very co-dependent when you think about it.
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Congratulations @razvanelulmarin
You took 41 place in my Top 100 of posts
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Awesome article! Are you Romanian? You're rocking man <3
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Thank you! Couldn't have said it better myself! Followed and upvoted!
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Very encouraging post. But sometimes people tried to hang on on something in life. Must of the time, that is not the right way to do it.
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Perhaps the real thing they desire that they are unable to express is a very human thing- ritual.
Most of the time you'll notice this "closure" isn't ever a quiet thing, it never goes softly in the night. It's got to be built up. It has to be an event.
Even in your friends case, they set up this big meeting with the intent to mark some change in their life.
Hell, even the act of Mr. Magic dog is ritualistic in nature!
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Good point...I agree. Thanks for sharing
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Great read. Thanks
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Agreed. Closure and letting go happens when you decide it does. Happiness and being at peace are a choice, not a circumstance. I write about relationships and silly stuff too. Check out my blog posts. :)
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Hot dang I am with you there bro!!
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Nice article and thoughtful … for me important thing is I’ve got not I had. Our possessions of the past are for our experience, one can suffer losing someone or something but we do not live in past with those things and folks…
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Brilliant blog.
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You are right, there is no closure.
I am ready the most amazing book right now "Letting Go".
It is about surrendering yourself and emotions. Everything comes from certain emotions. These must be recognized and understood what has caused you to get to these emotions. Feel it, understand it, and the you will be able to let it go forever. Instead most suppress it and think that is normal. In these circumstances, the emotion and hardship from it can last a life time.
Great post @razvanelulmarin
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u are awesome...! i always like your content and upvoted
your post and please also upvote @wicky or click on image. i need more followers
can u please help me to get more followers i am new here? thanks
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Well... if it existed, there is a way.
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This is so true. Too many times people look to others to make themselves feel better whne in reality, it's all up to them. Society is becoming so soft nowadays that they get offended by everything and think someone should take care of them. "Man up", deal with it, and you'll find that you'll become a stronger person because of it.
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It reminded me of the closures of the java programming language lol :D
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Our minds are unreliable devices. Our memories are not perfect copies of reality but are constantly being rewritten and reimagined to suit our own needs, until the people from our past are no longer an accurate representation of themselves but instead are seen through a filter of our own hopes or issues, often to an exaggerated extent. One of the best ways to resolve this is to meet them again. Allow your brain to recalibrate to reality and remind yourself why they are no longer part of your life. Then your mind can put the issue aside. Closure.
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Where there is love there is always hope. Id advice people just listen to their gut feelings. Sometimes walking away enables us to make a better life.
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Shaheryar Steemit
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