Shooting myself in the leg.

So there was thing festival I wanted to attend because they had a lot of cool guests and interesting lectures. Literally just my kind of thing, a week-long mind-bending courses and networking and food. What more can I ask for?

The kicker - Which I also loved! - is that there is no way to buy tickets. You need to register and say something about yourself and why do you want to participate and are selected solely on that. Pretty cool, your entry is your mind. Money are no object. Equal opportunity! Amazing...

But I did not do it.

I opened the page and started to write some ideas about the future of blockchain, media and life and how it all connects with some of the guests they have on this year and other stuff like that which - I thought - was pretty interesting and convincing. Well worth a ticket.

But I never sent it.

Now the two of your reading this might wonder why. Why I wondered myself as I pondered what is keeping from from pushing the literally costless "send" button?

The truth is this: I did not want to have another frustrating experience. Going there and not hearing the amazing talks ( or less amazing but at least I'd be the judge of that..) is a very depressing experience for me. It's the wasted opportunity and with almost nothing to do about it and really not much that can even be said. I just thought is better not to be there.

There;'s also the networking part, meeting people talking etc that would also be lost on me and if not, make me even more sad. I just knew it that...in a festival that has the goal to bring together people of all kind of walks of life..I'd feel alienated and more alone than ever. I might as well stay at home.

Which I will.

But the thought still bugs me. Maybe it's my attitude than my impairment that is bringing me so much grief. Maybe someone else would do better. I have no way to really know. So many doubts though.

I'll have time to think of it, now that I am not going.