When We Ignore Our Neighbors: A True Story

Late last night, I heard the sounds of pounding and breaking glass. I tried to see what was going on, but there was no movement in the darkness. Is someone breaking into a car? More thuds, more tinkling glass. Holy shit, are they breaking into multiple cars? Then a woman's voice cried out, "Ashley!" She was clearly upset. "Ashleeeeey!" At first I thought the woman knew the glass breaker and was trying to make her stop. But the yelling didn't change the sounds of destruction. I decided to call the police. I didn't want to stand by while someone's stuff was reduced to pieces.

When I got off the phone, I heard the woman sobbing. "Ashley!" she moaned. I realized that she might not be a vandal. She might be breaking her own things. She might be having a very bad night, that would become exponentially worse when the police arrived. Police that I had sent. I threw on my jacket and went outside.

It wasn't hard to find her. I followed her voice into the alley and saw her standing on the steps of the apartments behind me, next to a broken window. She was still crying like the world was about to end.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, which was ludicrous considering she was outside screaming at 12:00 AM.

"You don't sound alright."

"I'm just so angry!"

Uncertain what to do next, I asked, "Would a hug help?" She nodded like a little girl and walked towards me. I gave her a hug. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

She told me the story. She'd had a fight with her wife, the first of their three year marriage. When she tried to return home, the door was locked and her wife wouldn't open it. Overwhelmed with frustration, she took a brick and broke their window. There was so much glass jutting out everywhere that she couldn't get through it, especially since there was a railing to climb over and a ten foot drop between her and the window. When she realized that her cats were now in danger from the broken glass and open window, her desperation became unbearable. She kept screaming for Ashley and pounding at the glass. Ashley must have been passed out, or more likely, not even home.

Together, we cleared as much glass away from the window as we could. She kept saying, "This is crazy! I must be insane! I've never done anything like this before!" I told her she wasn't insane and that we all have bad moments in our lives. She was still crying, but much calmer now, calm enough to climb safely in the window with a little help. The crisis was over.

As I walked home, it hit me that calling the police had been the wrong thing to do. If the police had come, they would not have helped her in the window. They might have ticketed her for disturbing the peace or taken her to jail for public drunkenness. It's doubtful they would have taken any steps to protect her cats. What will probably turn into a funny story the women tell their friends, could have been an awful night in jail and a police record.

It also hit me how strange it was that a woman was crying and breaking things in the middle of the night, and no one else came out. I almost didn't go out. Everyone within a four block radius must have heard her, but no one thought it was something that concerned them. We've been conditioned to call an authority figure when there are problems in our communities.

I suddenly realized that this is the root of many of the issues we face in the world. I have libertarian friends who speak about personal responsibility, as if we would all be living in utopia if only people would take care of themselves. But that doesn't reach the heart of the problem. Part of being human is having times in your life when you can't take care of yourself. And what we have collectively decided is that we don't want to deal with our neighbors during those times. We'd like to call someone else and have them deal with it, so we can go back to bed. If we want the world to be a better place, we have to not only take responsibility for ourselves, but for our communities. We can't wait for others to start first because they're waiting for us.

It's a difficult mindset to change, this idea that the world is the responsibility of a handful of people in charge, and the rest of us are here to cheer from the sidelines. Our entire culture pushes us to believe this, and we do it because we're tired and distracted and overworked. But that doesn't make it true. The truth is that until we decide we've had enough of a few assholes determining the fate of our communities, our planet and our lives, they will continue to do so. And they will continue to do it however suits them, because we've given them the power to do that. The only way this will ever be a world that's good for the people who live in it, is for the people who live in it to change it themselves. It's up to us to decide that what happens in our home, our neighborhood, our town, our country, our world, is all our responsibility. Suddenly we're off the sidelines and catching the ball! When one person does that, it can change a life. When many do it, it will transform absolutely everything.

Special thanks to @verbal-d for the post that inspired me to stop editing this and finally post it!