THE BATTLE OF MIND FOR REAL RELATIONSHIP

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INTRODUCTORY STORY
Gbemisola was a devoted Christian with lots of passion to grow and serve God. She was so dedicated to the service of the Lord to the extent that she often speaks openly against anything that negates God’s desires. In pursuing her desire to serve God wholeheartedly, she joined her Church Choir alongside another devoted youth called Tunde.

Both of them started developing special interest for one another. There seems not to be any problem at first because their meetings do not exclude others, in prayer sessions and other basic spiritual activities. Their communications and interactions were not threatened by any sudden appearance of any authority figure (parents/adults).However, a time came when Gbemisola started noticing changes in Tunde’s feelings and visitation timing. Having known the movement of her parents, he would visit only when he is sure her parents won’t be at home. On one of those occasions when her parents were not around, Tunde requested for a special relationship officially with a strong promise that it will never involve sex. Gbemisola, shocked at his request, exclaimed, ‘What did you just say!’

THE STRUGGLES AMONG YOUTHS:
The above story summarizes the struggle among Christian youths today. It appears practicing Love the correct way is becoming impossible in this generation without the contamination of lust in-between. Therefore, we shall attempt to give practical definition to these two terms. We shall also attempt to differentiate the two terms and provide practical steps to effective practice of love without the evil of Lust.

FACTS ABOUT LOVE AND LUST
Love and Lust are key factors in relationships. Both cannot be fully practiced without inter-personal relationship. In fact, it is in relationship that both concepts are seen. The definition of love is best described in 1 Cor. 13:4–6, where core characteristics of love were stated

“…Love is very patient and kind, never jealous and envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not grudge …”

TLB Version. These characteristics of love as quoted above appears to be the exact opposite of the characteristics of Lust as described in the story of Amnon and Tamar in 2 Sam 13:1–18.
Amnon, rather than being patient and reasonable as love requires, he allowed himself to be tormented by his so called love (which was actually lust) towards his half-sister. (See vs 1) It was so bad that he fell sick. To proof that it was actually Lust and not Love as written in the story, as soon as he satisfied his sexual desires which is the desired end product of lust, he hated Tamar more than he ever loved her (See Vs 15).

From the above, it is clear that Love is a godly and selfless affection that seek the good of the other person. Lust on the other hand, is rooted in selfish and godless affection with the intention to satisfy only self and endanger the other.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST?
We shall consider this under the following sub-heads namely – their Roots, Characteristics and End - Product.
Love and lust take their roots from different sources. While Love has its root in God, Lust on the other hand has its root in the carnal desires of the flesh championed by the devil. Bible says, God is Love. (1John 4:8). We cannot therefore define or practice love without God. On the other hand, lust is counterfeit of love initiated by the devil to deceive. It is usually an uncontrollable desire to have ones way by all means.

Love is gentle, does not envy other people’s possession or attempt to forcefully collect what does not belong to him/her. Lust on the other hand, is forceful and cruel in nature. At best, lust is hypocritical in such a way that the victim of its dangerous passion is deceived to believe a lie.
Love produces peace and joy, while lust leads to pains and eventual death.

LOVE GUIDE:
To efectively practice love without lust follow these guidelines:

1. Maintain all round purity in your relationships. Col 3: 5

2. Be sincere to yourself and firmly react when a good relationship is developing evil tendencies. Gen 39: 7-12

3. Be bold and firm against lustful request- always say NO to casual sex. Titus 2: 11-12

4. Set realistic boundaries for yourself; decide your 'must-not’s in every relationship: Job. 31:1;2 Cor. 10: 13

5. Keep God in every relationship. John 15:5

6. Don’t be careless in your decisions on visitations. Gen 34: 1–2. It may be disastrous.