I have absent myself from work for the past couple of days due to kidney infection. During those days I just feel so physically week - I cannot eat solid food cause I throw it up. My immune system is weaken probably due to the stress I got both from work and toxic communication with my ex.
A week before I got sick I had a lengthy energy-draining arguement with my ex-boyfriend over Telegram. It sure was a tiring arguement cause we both find it hard to sleep afterwards. I tried to supress the negative emotions because it was a work week. I need to be on foot. Then came Saturday, when I just felt all the emotions from the fight. It was crazy. I slept to a splitting headache and woke up to the same splitting headache. The first thing I did as I woke up is to check my blood pressure cause I find it hard to breath. I know, it is not healthy anymore.
In our arguement, I told my ex that the break-up did not hurt him. He said, how did I even know that? Not because he was not reacting the way I was reacting does not mean that he was not hurt. But, actually, just a couple of days after the arguement, I saw a video of him at work about a month after our break-up, sitting in panel discussions and having a good laugh with his colleagues. When I was struggling to put myself back together, he was sitting in panel discussions having fun and laughing with his friends. How much pain angd hurt can you possibly give a person?
He might have hurt but it did not break him the same way it broke. I felt that our relationship was nothing for him when it meant so much to me. How hard can you possibly hurt a person? How?
But these all has to stop. Because all the more that I dwell, all the more that it eats me up.
Just a reminder to everyone, be careful with the guy that you date and trust. Not all of them are good people. Take things slow and try to get to know a person REALLY DAMN WELL before trusting him. Humans are rational beings but can be irrational most of the time. We all commit mistakes. Maybe, one of my biggest mistakes was falling in love with my ex - who in this lifetime will never learn to genuinely love me back. It caused me so much pain and damage more than you know.
I wish anyone who reads this learn from my mistakes in life.
Take care you all and stay safe