Improving Your Self-Belief The first thing to know about your healthy sense of self-belief is that it is not something you are born with. It must be developed and nurtured in order to grow and flourish, just as any other learned trait. A healthy sense of self-belief can be built on a foundation of consistent positive feedback from those closest to us, such as family, friends, and colleagues. Such feedback not only helps us understand our own performance but it also provides the feedback we need to help us improve it.
Our behavior, whether good or bad, is seldom the product of an innate character trait. We often learn how to do things through socialization and reinforcement from others. In fact, most of our socialization occurs before we even have a conscious awareness of how we behave. By nature, we strive to please those with whom we feel a bond, by conforming to their standards of excellence.
As a result, we often take for granted that people will treat us with respect and avoid hurting us. We fail to recognize that each individual behaves differently from another because of the circumstances of his or her upbringing. These circumstances often contribute to the formation of self-beliefs which, once formed, become woven into our identity. If we look at someone with whom we identify with - such as a sibling, best friend, or colleague - and notice that he is not performing up to par, his behavior is telling us something about how he relates to us. In the same way, when we observe someone who does not like us, her attitude gives us insight into how she views us.
That's not all. It may come across as unintentional, but each time we tell ourselves we're going to do something, we subconsciously Intend to do it. If we've made an unwarranted misstep, the tendency is, as it always does, to second-guess ourselves in the next endeavor. So, even when we know we've done something wrong, the negative feedback continues, "You didn't go somewhere, you're being stubborn."
All of these things are happening subconsciously and by the moment. So what can we do? Quite simple: When you start to notice these behaviors, deliberately say to yourself, "I'm trying to improve my self-belief in myself. What's the worst that could happen?" Over time, this process may become so natural that you'll be able to respond positively to any criticism, constructive or not.
For instance, sometimes we make the mistake of overestimating our own intelligence. We mistakenly believe that we can learn things overnight, thus improvement to our self-belief in ourselves begins. We then set out to do the things we believe we can learn, and find that we just can't do it. The key here is to identify the things we tend to over-analyze, such as the fact that we're scared of speaking in public, or that we don't like being challenged.
Identifying the negative things that may come across may be one of the most difficult things to do as you begin to improve your self-belief in yourself. Sometimes, what seems like criticism or doubt is actually an honest judgment from our subconscious mind, informing us that we need to take a look at our behavior. For instance, if we think that our speaking voice is weak, and maybe we don't speak enough, then we may want to practice saying positive words instead. If we are having trouble with accepting ourselves for who we are, then we may want to ask for help with this as well.
Once you have identified the problem areas of your self-belief, you can begin to work on them. While it may be hard to talk about these things with someone else, it is important to face them head on. When we put up defense walls, we block out our true feelings and our true perceptions. It's much easier to blame others or to turn our backs on what we feel is a problem in our life when we are in front of our own mirror, facing what we feel is a weakness in ourselves. When we begin to truly examine our behaviors and reactions, however, we will come to realize that we are holding ourselves back from life and its opportunities.
