Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers by Martha J. Langelan Book Review

This how-to book was written in 1993, yet, sadly, feels like it was written yesterday. This NEEDS to be required reading for every woman, girl, and ally. It is broken into three chapters: street harassers and sexual harassers, muggers and robbers, and molesters and rapists. All the information below is by the author, Martha J. Langelan. I am just summarizing for you in case you don't have time to read this book, but you should. Like I said, it ought to be required reading in schools.

Street Harassers: Your first reaction would be to ignore them and keep walking. However, silence gives them power, and silence makes the woman feel shamed, powerless, angry, shaken and does nothing to change men's behavior in the future. Assertive confrontation is the key to being in control. Do not attack, curse, or yell. Aggression is just as harmful as passivity. We need to be calm and assertive.

1. Name the behavior clearly. "Stop making comment's about women's bodies." Whatever he's just done, say it, and be specific.
2. Hold the harasser accountable for his actions. Don't make excuses, laugh, smile, or act like it didn't happen. Never apologize.
3. Make honest, direct statements. Be serious, straightforward, and blunt. No threats, insults, obscenities."Stop leaning over me every time you come to my desk. You are two inches from me. Move back now."
4. Demand that the harassment stop. "Stop it." "Back off right now." "Don't ever do that to me or any woman ever again."
5. Make it clear that all women have the right to be free from sexual harassment. "That's harassment; I don't like it. No woman likes it!"
6. Stick to your agenda. Be a broken record. When confronted most men will back off, even apologize, but there are those to need to save face because they know they have lost. These are the ones who turn, "hey beautiful, nice ass" into "ugly bitch." No matter what he says, firmly repeat the same statement. Repetition is powerful. It keeps you from getting tangled in the harasser's agenda, and makes you seen unshakable and decisively in control. Keep at it until HE backs down.
7. Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language. Look them in the eye. Keep your head up, shoulders back, hold your ground.
8. Respond at the appropriate level. Verbal harassment gets a strong, clear verbal response: Name the behavior, object on behalf of yourself and all women, and demand that it stop. Physical harassment requires a dual response. Remove the hand or knee away from your body and say, "That's harassment. Keep your hands off me. I don't like it. No woman likes it. Don't you ever do that again."
9. End the interaction on your own terms with a strong closing statement. "You heard me. Stop harassing women."

As for rapists, it is better to kick and scream, even if he has a weapon, then to go anywhere him. Rapists do something called rape-testing. Confrontation is extremely important to ward off rapists before they even target you.

"Because most rapists are cowards and bullies, are not carrying a lethal weapon, and are looking for victims they can control, a strong verbal confrontation at the OUTSET can often succeed in breaking off the attack. Confrontation is an extremely effective method of self-defense."

Here's an example of a rape-testing scenario that a man used successfully to rape at least 10 women before he was caught. A man selected victims by stalking women in a supermarket. In the first aisle he would stare at the woman from about 40 feet away. Most women noticed him, but just looked away, ignored him, or went to the next aisle. He would then follow them to the second aisle and continue to stare. If she confronted him at that point ("Stop staring at me!" "Back off!" Stop harassing women!"), he looked for another victim. If she still did nothing, he followed her into the third aisle and deliberately bumped his cart into hers. Even at that stage, many women, trained in feminine politeness, actually said, "Oh, excuse me" instead of confronting him. Those were the women he chose to follow into the parking lot where he assaulted him. THE WOMEN WHO CONFRONTED HIM IN THE SAFETY OF THE SUPERMARKET PREVENTED A RAPE. THE WOMEN WHO REACTED PASSIVELY LEFT THEMSELVES OPEN TO ATTACK.

However, once an attack begins, employ these strategies, as crying, begging, pleading, vomiting, peeing your pants, or any passive or self-demeaning behavior rarely works; in fact, it excites him because he wants to humiliate and feel in control.

1. Resist immediately. The beginning of the attack is crucial, even if he has a weapon. Rapists want to rape; they don't want to stab or shoot you on the street. Many guns don't even have bullets; it is a scare tactic to get you to go with him.
2. Yell and keep on yelling. Don't scream help or fire. Shout no, or just scream, scream, scream. Yell "This is an attack. Call the cops." Shout and don't stop shouting for as long as possible.
3. Learn effective self-defense skills and tactics ahead of time.
4. Once you get free, run. Bang on doors, run into the middle of the street. Don't stop running and screaming until you are safe.

Women feel so much shame when it comes to sexual attacks. It is time to put the shame where it belongs on the harassers, molesters, and rapists. We need to arm women with self-esteem and self-confidence, so they know their self-worth and will use their voices to stop attacks. All the knowledge in the world will be of no use if girls don't believe they have the right or the strength to speak up.