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rok-sivante (75) in life • 7 years ago (edited)

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7 years ago by rok-sivante (75)

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shello (62) · 7 years ago

"as though the "friend" was condescending and not being genuine with her."

Friends who ego trip themselves into thinking that they are more important than your wife and your own feelings deserve no place in your life. I don't want to sound harsh, but good riddence. Your jazz friend and brotherhood friend definitely took your friendship for granted.

I don't want to ever surround myself with those whose pride is more important than being understanding and receptive to the friendship. And although this is impossible to completely avoid, it is good to know that you walked into both scenarios giving benefit of the doubt.

As far as the person who you supported and asked for a favor, I am amazed alone that you even offered something in return. Friendships are not transactional businesses, and for them to give half the vote in moral support shows that the weight of your friendship didn't mean anything to them in the first place.

Sometimes people fall out of touch, but oftentimes it takes a while for true colors to shine, and although all of these situations have built you many pains in the past- two great things I see came of it.

The undeniable strength and trust between you and your wife.
Friendships work both ways, and although can be started easily, takes years to develop, grow or change.

I actually saw your post yesterday, and got angry myself lol so I wanted to calm down a bit before replying.

Thank you for passing on this lesson! 🌟 ❤

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

🙏💖

shello (62) · 7 years ago

😀Thank you ♡

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dedicatedguy (74) · 7 years ago

Your wife clearly knows how to accurately read people. It is good to have a partner like that because you can always rely on their opinion about important subjects.

If I were you, I will hold your wife's opinion in high regard, not everyone can manage to accurately read people, especially because there will always be a lot of deceivers who thrive thanks to their falseness. Identifying them can help us a lot when choosing people to form relationships. Sometimes, good moments can blind us and stop us from seeing the true face of a person, but eventually every mask fades and the truth is revealed.

Of course, when we realized we were mistaken about someone it might feel as a punch in the gut, but this can be seen as a life lesson, and it allows our wisdom to get bigger, so next time, we will know what to do, and know how to interpret subtle signals.

Cheers!

mecherine (40) · 7 years ago

You have summarized it all , his wife is good at reading people mind. She must be a good wife. Please take good care of her.

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rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

Wonderfully-said.

🙌🙏💗

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erh.germany (64) · 7 years ago (edited)

I suppose in publishing this particular matter you are open to some response which might not all over confirm your so far taken insights. It takes courage to do so and I appreciate that.

Now my comment:

I think the best thing you can learn from your encounters is to shed light on your own expectations; what you have done to a certain extent. I would like to confirm this. Breakdowns in friendships, always involve two people.

You said you didn't have any expectations. But when you wanted to see what you had given rewarded from a certain point in time, you were rejected. You can support others for years and the benefit of being a helper or giver always breaks your neck when you don't realize that your giving has only been encapsulated in time and space to be called later on for something in return. You rang in the time of this return.

When I was reading, I wondered why your wife didn't take control herself of the subtle unfriendliness she encountered. Is it possible that you fertilise a constellation that calls you as the one who takes care of these matters and lets the conflicts live out while she avoids a direct confrontation? Have you ever asked your wife why, when she notices that she is rejected or someone being harsh on her if she could handle it herself?

She could have told you about the experiences she had in her personal encounters with those people. Instead, she chose the way to tell you what weaknesses or mistakes she identified in some of them. This could be true for her and perceived as true, but is it also true for you?

According to my life experience, the most useful thing for me is someone else's assessment or advice when he tries to uncover someone else's strengths and resources instead of emphasizing his mistakes. We all have them, after all. I would like to ask you to widen the scope somewhat:

What would be, if you look at the friends, where you have been mostly the taker, as a compensation and put them in relation to those, with whom you have predominantly taken the role of a donor?

Do your experiences then get a different coloration?
Do you get the feeling that at a higher level, compensation has already taken place?

I see it this way: I have people in my life who have helped me a lot. I gave them little or nothing back, and often didn't even come up with the idea. Nevertheless, they are close to my heart and I am grateful to them. Sometimes, after years, I tell them when it's fitting.

Then there were people to whom I gave a lot and who did me no special favours or no favours at all.

Then there were and still are people where the flow between giving and taking is optimal.

P.S. and then all this roles also could change within the course of events in time and space. You seem to do good in life. That is what counts.

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chasegapo (46) · 7 years ago (edited)

"Why do these situations have my wife as the catalyst...?"

My wife is my best friend. Friends come and go, but my wife and I have made a commitment that will last a lifetime.

I can definitely relate to those situations. After getting married and having a wife / starting a family - only the good and important friendships will last, and even those have a falling out sometimes. It's life.

I really enjoyed the content. It was original, genuine and relatable. :)

Looking forward to more content!

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

🙂💗

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steemflow (72) · 7 years ago

Two things i personally follow or u say life taught me so far. 1) expectation reduces joy. So never expect more . 2) never ever force anyone to be with. Let them go untill they miss u and come back..

Destiny is the strongest of all...who make people play as per their tune..

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

that's some excellent wisdom summed up quite nicely. 😊

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steemflow (72) · 7 years ago

👍 thanks @rok-sivante

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nsbachurin (51) · 7 years ago

Friend, do good and throw it into the water! You have done good to man, you have become better. If a person does not get better, this is the problem of this person. Do not be discouraged. Improve yourself and the world around you. In the world there are kind people.
Can you share a link to your wife's blog?

victor-ndams (26) · 7 years ago

Lovely post @rok-sivante. Some relationship deserve the gift of good bye else we will be deprived of maximum value from the relationships that truly matter to our destiny and life fufilment.

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

very nicely said. 💗

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nmalove (63) · 7 years ago (edited)

We can't be compatible with everyone and the best way to stay happy is not to expect anything from people. People fail, so do friendships, the best we can do is move on and keep being real, hopefully you will attract the right friend. Don't let people's actions towards you stop you from being good, it will pay off someday.

ponpase (76) · 7 years ago

very interesting writing, many days I am waiting for you to make post. And then today I can re-read your writing. after reading this, I get a story and inspiration is very meaningful. accept what is your best friend. Do not sue our friends to react in the same way as we always do. Respect him for what it is, including the decisions he takes that may not be in accordance with our will.

thank you for sharing with us.

greeting love for us all.

aalsa (44) · 7 years ago

Yes, your post has reminded me of myself. My best friend since high school and I grew apart after I moved overseas with my partner. We thought our friendship would last, especially with me returning home every year for a visit. After I permanently moved back after many years overseas, it was clear she wanted nothing to do with me. The only true friend I have, I can say is my sister.

spiritualmax (64) · 7 years ago

Hey Rok!

Reading this I have to agree with the points @erh.germany brought to light.

As I was reading your post I also though about how your wife was going to you with her social reservations and letting you handle it. I'm sure she's a great girl, but that comes through the habit of, like germany puts it,

you fertilise a constellation that calls you as the one who takes care of these matters and lets the conflicts live out while she avoids a direct confrontation? Have you ever asked your wife why, when she notices that she is rejected or someone being harsh on her if she could handle it herself?

This is something you need to consider.

By the way man, who's your wife on here, I will go and support her myself... (not much of a heavy voter yet, but I'm good at commenting) it's something else I can do to thank you for the constant support.

Cheers

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago (edited)

Trust me, I’ve learnt that any attempts for me to take any sort of control in the matters is doomed to catastrophic failure.

Women want and need to be heard. Many times, I accelerated the chaos by attempting to intervene in any other way - and typically stay out of such business, always advocating she handle her conflicts with others directly, attempting to do my best to coach where it may be called for.

I know this (and some of my response to @erh.germany) might come off as defensive, but it’s an important distinction as the above questions frame a context that’s different from the individual natures of each separate situation. Although the invitation to consideration that perspective does have validity, there’s also a borderline self-righteous judgement in the stance whereby incorrect conclusions may have been come to - as there are about a million and one other points for each situation and others not mentioned requiring consideration that have been, and go way beyond the scope of this article/thread to dive into, to paint a complete picture.

steemitguide (65) · 7 years ago

This such a Deep post! I could relate to this a lot after moving to another Country. Distance and no Communication can really test a Friendship, hopefully I remain Friends rather just cutting out people for good. Sometimes you need to disappear only to be appreciated, friends come and go... This is a really great post that really got me thinking. Wow

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

:-)

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cucoeindatu86 (43) · 7 years ago

It is not a friend who comes when you are rich, but a friend is the one who comes when you have nothing. Hearing your story, I am reminded of the story of friendship in my life, people whom we consider friends for long, So now I do not take a sahabatpun unless he is a believer and close to his god.karena if someone who can maintain a relationship with God, surely he is able to maintain relationships with humankind.Thank you for sharing, a moving post.

latifah1 (55) · 7 years ago

nice description i like

Friendship is the most beautiful thing in life
most of us hope to have friends who are able to accompany in difficult and happy circumstances
I think a good friend is a friend who accepted the shortcomings of his friend ready in togetherness
regardless of status and ready to sacrifice without expecting a reply

thanks .. best regards friendship.

Vote me

rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago (edited)

upvote for the body of the content. NOT the "vote me" part.

The #1 Thing To Do If You Want Upvotes (And Exactly What NOT To Earn Follwers And Respect)...

zubir01 (56) · 7 years ago

Upvote and resteem @rok-sivante

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pojan (67) · 7 years ago

this is an interesting story @rok-sivante, in your story i get one sentence about Bali, are you Balinese ......?

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rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago (edited)

Canadian, though I lived in Bali for 5 years.

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pojan (67) · 7 years ago

waaw Bali is one of the most beautiful places in Indonesia, when will you be back again?

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rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

not sure. probably not for a while...

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emiratesp3md (43) · 7 years ago

your writing is very very good indeed
love very much with your writing
making it an insight and knowledge

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tatianavishny (45) · 7 years ago

wow. thanks for the post you

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mushthafakamal (57) · 7 years ago

Quite strange indeed until your friend is blocking all social media access. Though I do not think to get there. The friend is complementary rather than tearing down as the atomic bomb.

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sheriffakin (58) · 7 years ago

Good read my friend....I assure you am not temporary or seasonal.

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adammillwardart (60) · 7 years ago

The older I get the less time I want to spend with "friends" - with one or 2 exceptions, no one fits my definition of a true friend these days.

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rok-sivante (75) · 7 years ago

as some say...

Screen Shot 2018-02-13 at 6.06.29 PM.png

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