Growing up in a broken family, I think I have seen things that have made a bigger impact than I actually realize. A lot of times, our personality makes major twists without us realizing it and it is not until we stop and turn around to see how far we have come, that we realize the distance we have covered. For me, I see a completely different person inside me that is excited but numb, thinking but blank, moving but still, talking but silent, breathing but suffocating…. I don’t know if that’s how everyone with a broken family feels and I sometimes do think that maybe I have taken it too hard on myself. However, it was after a long, long time that I started realizing how my personality was changing, how I was becoming a very under the confident person, how I was developing split personalities and how I never respected myself.
I fell for wrong people, gave my all too wrong people, spent time with wrong people and shared secrets with wrong people. I would cry at the smallest things and think a bit too much! The irony is that I would even know what was wrong with me yet I wouldn’t be able to do much about it. That’s the kind of suffocated feeling you feel like coming out of the shell you are trapped in but each time you feel you have forced it open, it shuts down with a louder snap than before. It just happens… and you slowly start losing hope and choose to stay in your shell with no regrets. I am not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
So anyway, I have been living with my mother ever since my parents split up and I do talk to my father and I had been close to him in my childhood but I don’t feel any connection with him anymore. My siblings and I have made it big in our lives and that is all because of our mother. However, I have been thinking lately about everything I have missed growing up, above all, that father figure and because I don’t have one, I don’t know how it affects you but what I do know is how not having a dad can affect you.
They say that your relationship with father determines your dynamics of every other relationship in life. How your father treats you becomes a standard for you and you are not ready to accept anything less than that. This especially goes for girls. The way their father treats them makes them realize their worth and they look for the similar kind of love and care in men to spend their lives with. The absence of father leaves them confused between their needs and worth. They wouldn’t know what they should be expecting and they wouldn’t know their own worth.
Likewise, Boys fall for the good qualities in their father and that makes him a role model for them. Growing up with their father makes him their first best friend and later in life, that friend becomes a role model for them and they grow up with the same kind of sense of love, respect and care that they see in their fathers.
Growing up with a father also assures you that there is someone who has always got your back. This person will be there standing outside your school making sure nobody bullies you and if anybody does, he is the guy who would know how to fight it! You learn to be independent with a safety net that your father is. It gives you confidence in life and you know that you can be wrong too. A lot of times, we hide our own faults from our elders but deep inside, we just want them to know so that they can pull us out of it. That is the level of trust we have with our parents.
Between both the parents, the mother is the figure that prepares you to deal with emotional breakdowns in life and your father, on the other hand, teaches you to be tough and fight your enemies! Of course, every father has a different way of teaching you life principles, but being on the masculine side, that’s what a father can’t miss out on!
I don’t complain about my life anymore. I used to but I started counting my blessings and it made so much sense to me. I have become me after situation I have been through in life and there's not a thing I want to change about it now. Everybody has problems in their lives, only the faces of these problems are different. The beautiful part about life is that everybody learns to get over the problems and continue living the life with a smile on their faces.
If you can dream it, you can do it.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
soo touching and profound post, dear Sameer. You are a father for yourself, because your wisdom is always leading you to the best, like a father would lead you. But chosing the "wrong" person to be with is not that wrong : You have to experiment it, to understand it and then, to avoid it... the other's advice won't make you understand things unless you experiment it by yourself. So, we never make right or wrong encounters, they are all experiences to learn from. So, in this point of view, you are really you father for yourself. My Dad died at 38, I was only 8. My Mum was the best ever in the whole univers but she could not replace him... So, I created him inside me, to guide and love me as he would if he were alive : Anyway, he is in my DNA, right ? Thank you for your sharing...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I grew up with no parents. My mom was a pill popper that slept all the time and my dad never came home because he didn't want the reasonability. Do I blame them partially for me being 32 and homeless, some days. Other days I just think to myself what good does it do.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
This is a hard part in your life @sameer777. But I can feel that you're a strong person as well as your siblings, and your mother is even stronger, that you have made her a pillar of strength while a father figure is not present in the family.
This is tough, Sameer. Every child should have a father and a mother and a complete family to come home to, share love with and grow up with. But this is the reality we face now, not only by you, but by many people out there.
All I can say is, BE STRONG AND STAY STRONG. Have faith and trust that your relationship in the future will work out well, and that you can raise kids with a mother and a father, and a complete family no matter how bad times may get.
And salute to your mother! Even I am thankful for women like her who do their best to raise kids and become a father-like figure themselves.
Thank you for sharing this personal part of your life, @sameer777. Hoping and praying for you all the best.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Experience breeds growth.... I'm glad yor life is a lot better now
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Much depends on the situation in the mother's life and her attitude to this situation. The worst thing that a mother can do is dissolve completely in a child, devoting herself to him without a trace. Later she necessarily will require"payback." As a result, the child will be loaded not with his life, but with his mother's life. And he will need to justify this meaning, to meet her expectations. As a result, it will cause difficulties in building relationships with the opposite sex. After all, in the life of a child who has no father, there is no real model of behavior in the family and between the sexes. It can draw knowledge and values from cartoons, video games etc. But that is not the real world and the fictional. And that's how he can take a relationship - not real. And necessary to disappear from them.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I lost my dad 2012...on my birthday ...
Since then ....life hasnt bin the same and the dad figure was missing in my life till now...i know how am suffering financially and mentally ...its hasnt bin easy
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I had to graduate without a father and it sucks ,
I never knew how it felt till now ...how i struggle to survive father are a big part in our life
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
A father does not seem to be telling children to eat when to go home how to school because all must be mother or mother who asked, because the father is busy working. In fact it is you who always remind the mother to ask "children have eaten or brother has come home, what ride, who, what time" even father sometimes more than mother, because father can not see immediately so anxiety always there.
Until whenever, parents will always need the presence of their children. Therefore when they are gone, children will have a vacuum in them. Space that is usually filled with attention and forms of affection shown by the father and mother for us, his children.
For a girl, the absence of a father figure in her days will be a little more painful.
When father goes forever, he not only loses a family head, but also his first love. Not every father is the first love for his daughters?
When he does not know the feelings of dear and spoiled girlfriend, the father who introduced the feeling to him. The difference is, he never introduced what it felt like a broken heart, until finally he really went this world.
Dad's trip was more doubles more choking chest than suddenly dismissed boyfriend time again unfortunately. The pain is not only felt a day, a week, or a month, until a year and years later the pain will still be felt. There will always be a moment that makes a girl think father should be there. and he dropped a tear.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Having no father figure is not very good. It's worst than imagined by many.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
So profound. Thanks. My dad was around but he was never present too.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
There is nothing can replace a father or mother figure.Having their absence, feel like..loneliest person in the earth. Todays modern world..most of the kids growing up without father figure. Because parents broke up.
They do not think the pain, the kids will go through. Some times i think, i would be better if we remain under developed. Where at least family live together.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
wow this is so touching.im going through the same pain.i guess you are far better than me cause you have overcome yours but my pains missing my dad around still hunts me.sometimes i feel like i will forever carry his absence.it hurts when you try to move on but circumstances of life pulls you down.i pray i find my healing so soon as you did.im sofies voice.new on steemit and im a writer.will be honored you check my post
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
This post has received a 12.10 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @sameer777.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit