Looking For The Sun

It's a gray day today.
Normally I would give credit for my current mood to the darkness surrounding me outside and push through.
Today I can not give the weather credit as much as I may wish to. Instead late night arguing and chaos are to blame.
I'm trying to pump myself up and get it done but as I scan the house the chaos lingers in the disarray that comes when parents are not available to be parents and kids are left to be kids.
I am trying so hard to be strong.
Trying so hard to be the reasonable, stable, calm protector and provider of my little ones every need. Today I doubt I have what it takes to get through this. To summon my strength and make the choices I know I must make. Today after three months of being told I can not leave I am worn down and worn thin.
I feel weak.
I know in my heart my choice for a separation is the right thing for my children and I.
The steps I take to accomplish that are not clear to me today though and it is difficult to see the path.
I will get through, I always do.
It would be nice though to have a little sunshine illuminating the path.

@sarahsayjay

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