Hey Friends!
You know, I ran into a guy I knew from my poker days on Thursday night. He asked me what I'd been up to and I said mainly I'd been a dating coach for the last decade. He brought up Mystery Method (aka indirect aka fake method if you don't know what it is).
Naturally I told him my opinions, and he was fascinated.... but I could tell by his response he still believed you just can't be authentic with people. This is a very clever guy we're talking about.
Then again, the guy is a professional poker player so..... His job is NOT letting people figure him out.
But ... For all the other (non professional) poker players out there...... Isn't it weird guys think they still have to lie to "impress" women?
I actually sat on this..... Why... How... Where did it come from?
And of course, the answer came.... Our whole society is inauthentic.... Everything from religion, history, the economy... Even the "politicians" (More accurate: professional liars) who are meant to be our leaders - just mislead and manipulate all the time.
All of our media - lies..... And even the way people look in it. More lies.
So why would our dating strategies by anything but? The whole planet is run on a bunch of lies.
And it's all by design.
They want us dumb, ignorant, and confused... Running around fighting each other. And certainly not finding a true "soul level" connection that would empower us to become our greatest selves.
That really wouldn't serve our masters very well.....
Every time you get a negative thought about yourself.... Whether it's "women don't like me" or "I'm not good enough" or "That could never happen to me" .... I would invite you to have a sit down for a few moments and ponder where the thought came from.
Is it really your thought? Or did it come from somewhere else.... ?
You might discover that a whole range of thoughts you "have" aren't really yours.
And that just might be one of the most important discoveries of your life ;)
Have a great weekend!
Sasha
Truth be told, we all play same kind of role most of the time: at school, the workplace and as a seducer.
Unless we suffer from identity issue, which is common, every person have an authentic self.
In dating I would say that many times it can be difficult to be your true self. The settings are often quite artificial (night clubs etc.).
For males, the sexual market value (SMV) differ hugely from male to male. The dating scene is extremely competitive!
So, I think for most guys most of the time, they will struggle to get dates with hot girls.
As en effect, many guys will try to fake it a little bit to increase their SMV.
But, some men are totally confident and authentic around women.
But, I agree, the most attractive for a girl is if you are authentic, i.e. congruent.
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Yes indeed. You'll also be a lot happier and aligned not only with all the women you meet but in life in general..... sooo much better ;)
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Individuation (Jung) of the personality is the major goal in life. Samuels defines individuation as follows: "A person is becoming himself, whole, indivisible and distinct from other people or collective psychology, though also in relation to these. The person becomes conscious in what respects he or she is a unique human being and at the same time no more than a common man or a woman."
This is what Anne Singer Harris refers to as the Jungian paradox in her book "Living with Paradox: An Introduction to Jungian Psychology". The central paradox is that we are unique but common, distinct but related. "It is if we must find a hole in a jigsaw puzzle, into which we are the only piece that fits."
Individuation is a search that never ends, but the process of searching may produce what Jung called one's true personality. He said: "Personality is the supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. It is an act of high courage flung in the face of life, the absolute affirmation of all that constitutes the individual, the most successful adaptation to the universal conditions of existence coupled with the greatest possible freedom for self-determination."
Carl Jung used the term Individuation to describe the process of reaching your potential and becoming an integrated, mature person. When you get in touch your unique ability and personal path in life, then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as much as possible developing and focusing your unique ability, an interesting cycle starts. You become more mature on a continual basis, and you begin the process of learning similar thing over and over again but getting different lessons from them. As you progress, develop and integrate different aspects of your personality, you literally evolve. The more evolve and integrated you become the more individuated... and the more you can both see your infinite connection with others at the same time as your individual differences and unique combination of gifts. The power comes from being able to see both and hold in your mind... to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy.
We are always struggling against feeling like a common person. Humans don't like to be average -we don't like to feel average, and we don't like to accept average. But most of the times we gravitate toward the average out of scarcity and fear of not wanting to stand out from the society, because standing out puts a lot of pressure. In this second paradox, I see the common challenge when it comes to achieving individuation, and the solution for that is achieving social freedom.
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Great post. In my opinion, the concept of authenticity has been central to the human capacity to communicate for over two millennia, and it continues to enjoy wide usage throughout popular culture today.
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Indeed! I think it all comes down to that.... but we're too disconnected to know what is even means to be "true" to ourselves.... sigh
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Thisnis great! It just takes less than 10 seconds to say to a hot girl that she is cute/hot/etc but People are afraid of the result of that. What I mean is if you think she is not going to smile at your compliment they think, they had failed. The most important thing is your action, not women's reaction. :(
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Exactly right ;)
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After many interactions/dates with women, it is true that if you can express what you really feel, it generally works out much better than if you're running some kind of script, although you still need a level of social awareness.
I think the main benefit from authentically expressing yourself is you feel a lot better about yourself after, despite the reaction.
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Thank you, Sasha, on 2.5 levels.
First, sometimes I do that very thing; talk myself out of approaching her. I appreciate the concrete "Here's what you can DO... ask myself where i got this limiting thought..."
(B) Authenticity. Yes! Being "real" seems to be increasingly discouraged. One aspect of that i was just thinking about today: the disease of "everything must be positive, good, light, comfortable." And people are teaching this to children! No wonder we're seeing this hopefully short-lived trend of delicate snowflakes and refusing to accept responsibility and thus, power. Worship of the victim. Race to the bottom.
Oh! And that helicopter treatment of kids gives them the message that their discomfort, sadness, anger, etc are "ugly/bad" emotions which best be hidden. Leading to a habit of wearing the mask.
So thanks for being a beacon.
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Good original content! Whale done:)
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