Dependent-Dependents
I was gisting with my friend at another friend's wedding and we got talking about what I've decided to title Dependent-Dependents.
She is dating this guy who is as independent as she is, i.e he has a good job and he's staying in his own.
He's quite responsible and he's intelligent, the future seemed really bright.
My friend is an only child while the guy has siblings. He's the second child. His older sister is married and his younger brother school's is still in the University (OAU)
Now here's the ish, they both stay at and work at Ife and their parents live in towns close by but the way this guy always goes home is alarming.
As per only child, one would expect my friend to be the one going home frequently but it's the guy oh.
She says he visits home about 4-5 times every week. The guy literally spends his weekends at home even though he doesn't sleep over.
The only exceptions are when they have dates or events and guess what people, for all the weddings he attends sef, it's either he and my friend go or he follows his parents.
Usually, people are glad when they know their partner's whereabouts but in this case it's almost always 'work', 'parents' house and very few times 'hanging out with the boys'.
It's not a bad thing to visit parents and chill with them but Ah ahn!!!
It's not like he doesn't have his own place, he does and it's well furnished, down to top-notch cookers, microwave and beta refrigerator sef.
And it's not like he doesn't cook oh, in fact he loves cooking so he doesn't go home for the sake of food. My friend that doesn't like to cook sef doesn't go home that much so it's hard for her (or me) to understand.
Now, the part about decision-making , anything this guys wants to do calls he calls his Mum. I know he loves my friend wella, in fact that's why they're still dating but it's too much. He calls them for everything, any small thing 'I'm call Mummy to ask her' or 'I'll discuss it with Daddy first'.
😂 😂 I remember one time, my friend asked for my opinion on something she wanted to do and I told her to discuss it with Bobo, she said she wouldn't oh, that anytime she asks of his opinion on a something major, he says he'll talk to his Mum about it. As if she doesn't have a Mummy too.
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The place of family is important to me and my friend too (especially as she be only pikin) but this level too much.
His parents are indirectly the boss of him. The car he rides presently sef were due to his parents oh. My friend has had a car for like 2 years now, when Bobo wanted to get his own, they did the research together to decide the one to get oh
He even got the money ready and everything but she had to travel so they didn't go to the car shop together . Lo and behold, when she came back and saw him, he had gotten a different car entirely. The car he bought was one of the cars they had scratched off the list because of the high maintenance cost and fuel consumption.
When she asked why, Bobo said his parents told him to get it that it was nicer, they even gave him additional money to complete the purchase.
Gbam!
Right now, they're already talking marriage plans. She has visited his parents' with him some times parents and it's been okay.
Lately, he's been asking that they go together whenever he's going. Almost everyday and sometimes, he gets unhappy or angry when she refuses. When it's not like she doesn't have house or things to do.
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Well, at the wedding on Saturday, my friend said she can't cope with it. They've known each other for almost 4 years now (from NYSC) and they've been dating officially for like 2 years now, she has complained about his Dependency attitude even before they started dating but he doesn't see it as a problem so, changing might never happen.
I know my friend has her own wahala but I also know she loves this guy so, but seeing some similar situations around, I understand her reason for concern.
In our societal construct, what they care about is a man's capability to care for a family. When it comes to releasing your hold to parents, society concerns itself only with the woman and not with the man. If a woman always relate her issues and decisions with her parents, so much advice goes to her about how she has left them and is on her own but it's not so much so for the man.
I understand these and so I took her on a treat when she called me yesterday to say she broke up with him.
He was independent yet still dependent on his parents.
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