@sighmanjestah "Hey, That Reminds Me Of A Story"

"Some are optimists, some are pessimists, some share their feelings, some hide them."

I’d like to thank new Steemit user @jznsamuel for the post that prompted this series. Actually the series has been building up Steem for several years, but I credit him for this particular aspect. It may seem disconnected, but I hope to bring clarity through the whole series. Your patience and tolerance is appreciated.
https://steemit.com/life/@jznsamuel/the-importance-of-family-and-friends-in-life-or-a-thank-you-from-the-heart
Please consider stopping by and reading his post.

The Fresno Trip From Hell

(The Day I Told My Dad That Loved Him & Ended Up In The Psych Ward)

How to begin?

This story is a long one and it has many chapters in it. But where to begin? (That would be the inexperienced writer in me, to many scattered thoughts and no structure.) So I will just start and see where it takes us.

I’ve always had issues with telling someone I love them. I’m sure if I were to spend many dollars and several years in therapy I might come to understand why, but it’s not something I’m willing to do. Anyhow, the job/business I had was not one that allowed a vacation. Actually, in order to go on vacation, I’d have to spend more on hiring someone to take my place than the cost of the vacation, and that was assuming I could even find someone to fill in for me.

Well, it turns out that my older brother was going to be getting his nursing degree and he wanted his family and friends to be able to share in his accomplishment, so he made sure to let everyone know about his pinning ceremony. The stars aligned and somehow I was able to get a relief person to fill in for me for 2 weeks. Two glorious weeks of getting away from my business. So 2 weeks, thats a lot of time. You would think. The problem was the distance. My brother lived in Fresno California and I lived in North Central Iowa. Not much of a problem I thought. We have a mini van, the kids can sleep and my wife and I could trade off driving. Seemed reasonable at the time. Off we went, hell bound for Fresno, via Kingman, Arizona (my wifes parents). Hell bound... little did we know.

Enter the anti-depressant

I figure I should probably let you know that I was on a prescribed anti-depressant, something that played a prominent role in this story. It seems that the anti-depressant, in combination with the lack of sleep from driving, as well as the joy of having a vacation, as well as the seeing loved ones not seen for a long time, as well as not having a regular schedule, as well as not remembering if I took my anti-depressant, as well as doubling up on my anti-depressant(I just couldn’t remember if I had taken it, so I just took another) took its toll on my mental state. Yeah, you could say I was going a little bit manic. I say just a little bit because it started out just a little bit. Towards the end it became “a lot bit”.

The pinning ceremony

So about 5 days later, with to much caffeine, to much anti-depressant and to little sleep, I was in Fresno, with my wife, 6 year old son and 2 year old daughter ready to attend my brothers nurse-pinning ceremony.
Somewhere along the trip out I made a decision to tell my dad that I loved him and thank him for all of the things that he had done for me. Two things that I had thought about for years prior, but was unable to actually do.

Something is not right

Just after my brothers ceremony, some of my family members were a little bit concerned that I and my wife were not “quite ourselves.” I, the normally quiet and reserved, hang back from the crowd kind of guy and my wife the get out front and talk to any stranger as if they were long lost cousins. Well, I seemed to be a little bit more outgoing and my wife, enjoying her vacation was just a little bit past her usual outgoing self. Ok, so we were almost full blown manic(me more so than my wife, under the influence of to much anti-depressant) and they were a little concerned. Ok, maybe just a hair more concerned than that. Concerned enough for the safety of our 2 children that they notified the police about our strange behavior and the next thing I know, I’m strapped to a gurney in the emergency room at a local hospital. Just for observation. Well, the observation turned out to be enough strange behavior to warrant a 72 hour committal.

Only a few hours prior to the hospital ER visit, I had approached my dad at a family picnic and expressed my love to him and thanked him for all that he had done for me from my childhood to adulthood.

I hugged him and cried.

Reflecting on it I see the emotional release of telling him that I loved him as being another thing that just sort-of-snowballed into my manic behavior.

I’m going to stop right here at this point. There is quite a bit more. Maybe for another day.

One thing bothered me.

Due to the way this was handled, I had a falling out with my dad. We did not have contact with each other for about 4 or 5 years. He was stubborn and I was stubborn. His health deteriorated to the point that verbal communication was not possible. I was not at his bedside when he died at the hospital.

What bothered me was this. Did he understand that I truly did love him, or did he just think I was out of my head and just saying words.

I’ll never know.

The Love Of A Son For His Father

In writing this I thought of the sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham in Genesis 22:9-10

Genesis 22:9-10
9 Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood.
10 And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

What do you suppose Isaac was thinking? We aren't told in the scripture.

How about Abraham? Abraham trusted God. God had a plan. God has a plan.