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in life •  8 years ago  (edited)

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I loved the story. Kept me reading through the whole thing. A huge coincidence about this is that I just finished commenting on a post from @alexgr titled "Political and economic ideologies are almost useless if not practiced"

But then right in the middle of the story, the pawn shop guy says........

You can't change the past, but you can change the future. So try to act differently now. Don't become depressed and wait for something to change. Nothing is going to change. YOU have to change."

This is the same lesson all of us could use. What a wonderful story and a wonderful lesson embedded inside of it! :) :) :)

wow what a coincidence! But I totally agree with that. What use is it if you say things like "I will bring my life in order, I will change, I will stop my bad habits.." but never actually DO it ?!

OMG my heart is beating faster right now.
This one is a truly M A S T E R P I E C E ! I am speechless. This story is different from all the others. There is so much more in it than just a story..........
´´The more problems you have, the more you can learn from them - as long as you learn from your mistakes!´´- I remember that.

Thank You :) :) :)

If this doesn't go to the front page, then not enough people have READ THROUGH it !!! awesome work

totally agree with you!

I guess the main premise of the story is not to borrow beyond one’s capacity.
As for a philosophical approach to life, this is definitely a question that every person has to define for him or herself. That is, what is your capacity, beyond which you don’t want to borrow?
I was a little surprised though that this was spelled out as “author’s remark” inside of the story. In my view, the way the action in the story unfolded and ended would have easily done this in a more elegant and implicit way.
Also, I felt suspicious about this “wise man” salesperson in the pond shop. I’ve already read a similar story here at steemit.com, where the author sort of putting his own words in the mouth of one of the secondary characters that “guided” the protagonist to the light in the end of the tunnel. So again to me this sounded like an artificial move. The story would win if you would find a more natural way, circumstantial way to deal with “spreading the wisdom” so to speak.
I think the same premise would have worked better if you made the action developed in reverse. That is... first the guy would work in the store or in some other place. Then he got tired of the “right way” and start gambling with his life, which will lead him to a complete fiasco. This way the same point would have been taken across in a more natural way, without supplicating to the “good wise man” mechanism.
All in all, though – good job.

Thank you for leaving such an in-depth feedback! I can definitely understand the points you made.
But one thing you maybe didn't know is that "Winraky" is a series of short stories. They are all separate stories and not connected at all, but what hey have in common is that Winraky is always a different character, last time it was a taxi driver this time it was an employee at a pawn shop, but Winraky always gives the advice that helps change the protagonist's life. So I've done that on purpose.
But I can see why you'd prefer a more "natural way" to the storyline.

Anyway, thank you for your feedback I appreciate it!

This is a totally natural way for me because something like that happend to me.
After awhile they´ll maybe understand who Winraky is :)

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

I see. He's a figure similar to Caine in the old Kong Fu series. Sure. I forgot that you have to take in a consideration a Hollywood grown audience, where the good guy is always win in the end and twist it enough to put some actual good principles in it. All good.

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

I see most of the people still don´t know what exist on our earth and just believe what they see with their own eyes.
Thank you for the advice, i can now understand that people might think it is just fiction ;)

Before I begin answering your question, we have to make a few points in the situation clear.
I am clearing up these points, because maybe the problem could've been prevented in the first place, maybe some actions were taking too quickly without thinking through.

  • When you get a new renter, you do some research. Do the renters have a good financial background? Was there still a husband to that mother when they moved in? Was it checked that the mother could keep paying rent if the 2 break up?
  • How is the relationship between me and the mother? Is it like friendship, or just like a "customer" ?
    And if you DON'T know the person very well, how do you know that she's telling the truth, maybe she didn't even ask her family first? Maybe she would ask her landlord FIRST, who she doesn't know well, rather than having a very unpleasant conversation with her parents?
  • She is responsible for the kids. If she can't afford the rent anymore, it's her responsibility to find a new apartment, in TIME, that she can't afford. because she risks losing her kids otherwise. If she can't pay rent at all, she can go to a social facility for women and children.

The mother has a very serious problem. But it's not her right to push that problem onto you. You are only the landlord, not her sponsor. You have nothing to do with her problems.

If you help her, your bank reputation score lowers, or you might lose the property, and make your own future worse.

It won't be great for her either, because she will feel even worse, knowing that she has badly influenced someone else's life.

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

@soldier Real life could present the weirdest and, otherwise, unbelievable outcomes? I heard some guy fell off the plane without the parachute and survived. However, when you write fiction you cast away everything that happens outside of the mean +/- standard deviation, because of the statistical rarity of this happening. You actually might have somewhere an honest politician, but since most of them are dishonest it’s more believable to show them as dishonest if you happen to introduce one in a novel or a story.

It’s easy to come up with a story, for example, of an athlete that was caught on doping, lost his advertisement contracts and now don’t even have the money to buy himself a cheeseburger. Sort of like Iverson right now. Winraky will tell him with that honest and hard voice of his “Just be a man, stop doping and start training again and in four-year you can win the Olympic medal again.”

I’d challenge the Winraky saga writer to take a crack at a very simple and, unfortunately, common everyday situation. You have a house or a condo that you happen to rent to a single mother with 3 kids. She lost her job, stopped paying the rent and is living on her deposit. You have to evict her because you pay your loan to the bank and unless you get another renter quick you might lose the property that you’ve put much of your money and efforts. But to kick out a woman with three kids on the street is … well, inhumane. What advice would Winraky give in this case?

@mgaft1 I am sure that he does have an answer.
I understand what you try to tell me. I appreciate your opinion but what is a normal way? Is normal what happen to the most people? Is normal what happen to you? We have to describe the word normal way better ´cause for some it is the "normal way" how the story went ;)
Thank you commenting I love to talk about different opinions

Hi I don't know how to answer your query in the place where you posted the question because the thread somehow isn't expanding anymore. So I will answer it here.

Sure, the easiest way would be to check the renting history of the woman and if we see any blemish on it, not let her in in the first place. In the same manner, we can say that the horrible psychological damage that a soldier who thought in Iraq or Afghanistan, could have been prevented if American troops have never gone to Iraq or Afghanistan. It is like in that joke that states that the best treatment for dandruff is a guillotine.
However, it happens very often that a person gets into a predicament, not because it was not possible to avoid getting into it, but because he either didn’t know something at a time, or was lazy, or was ill informed. Like it is in your story, the protagonist could have been more careful with his gambling and he’d then never get into this predicament, to begin with.
In my view, the examples you are taking are too obvious. They don’t really require much convincing. Don’t gamble, do the work where you have more abilities, don’t drink and drive, don’t take drugs, etc. I think to make a story more interesting you can tackle a problem that is more of a murky gray color, like the one I described, or a similar one. The problem that has no obvious solution and you have dig down inside your soul to find a particular solution that is right for you at the moment.

@soldier Why do I think this is not a natural way to meet a person who would tell you what to do in a tough situation? Sure.
Unlike in a society that is more community oriented like it is in the Eastern countries, I think that an American society is very individualistic and competitive on its core level. People here are separated and often lonely or should I say “on their own.” In a difficult situation, one can get help from a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach, or a psychic. More so, if you are in the military you might even have psychologists on stuff and get it for free. However, this would be a paid professional help.
I think that people would be apprehensive of giving free advice to someone because in their mind it will give another person a competitive advantage. Can it generally be that someone would give you a good advice? Absolutely. However, I don’t think this typically happens when a person is down on his luck and in a situation of acute need for America applauds winners but doesn’t like losers.
Fiction is the subject of my interest rather that some particular incidents that happen to a real person. I think that the subject of fiction should be not some incidents that could happen with someone somewhere, but the incidents that couldn’t have been avoided under certain conditions in the life of a current society.
For example, and I am sorry if I already have given this example, one of my favorite stories is “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber” by Hemingway. What Hemingway did in this story is that he lifted a huge social layer of “boys that never became adult men.” These are the people who could already become old, but they still think and act like boys. In this story, Hemingway describes a situation when such a boy finally becomes a man, and that internal transformation made him a happy man, although for a very short time, because subsequent to this transformation he was shut.
I hope this clarifies my position and shows that I am not intruding in someone’s internal world or trying to somehow deliberately offend someone’s feelings.

Very very creative writing buddy... :) also love the animated follow .gif! I want one now, lol.

Really great short story, thanks for writing!

Great story. Really liked all of the different elements you included (mirroring the voice of steem) in a work of fiction and perspective.

Thanks for your feedback, I wanted to play with the idea of risking money, so what's a better example than cryptocurrency prices rising and falling!

Good Job!

You are my mentor :)

quite a long one so I bookmarked this to read later. but definitely looks awesome!

what an inspiring storyline. love all the different aspects you put into this!

thank you, I like to put a deeper meaning behind my stories!

I wish I never get to experience a situation like this - but amazing how he got out of it!

when you mentioned the girl I thought "oh now it turns into a love story" but I love the way you connected steemit to this whole story! upvoted + followed :)

When you started the story, I thought this was a "loser" who never had much, so I was surprised to find out he WAS actually a broker. Shows that sometimes even the most educated people can get into bad situations

took me quite some time to read, but it was worth it - this is some great work. I feel like reading a mini book!

Wow. I'm speechless. What a DRAMATIC story!

Glad you enjoyed it!

this is a MASTERPIECE!

thank you for the compliment! appreciate it, motivates me to keep pushing further!

I'm currently on the steemit app but it hurts my eyes to read lol. the text is too small. I'll definitely continue reading later because the beginning was already so interesting!

destiny that I read this right now. I'm currently in a similar situation (not AS bad with people ripping of my fingernails) but I'm also in debt .. thanks winraky for giving me some hope + inspiration to keep going

If you ever bring out a book, I'd love to read it! (and it wouldnt surprise me if you do!)

I'm already planning on writing a book, but I won't tell any more secrets

sometimes dramatic stories like this are a good lesson for us, because it shows that you should prepare even for the worst times in life to happen

this is a great lesson to never give up, life has ups AND downs but you can overcome everything! Great inspiration!

100% agreed! And the bad times make you appreciate the good ones even more!

they do!

Great story. Thank you!

Great story, comment for fun. You might be a redneck if the guy at the pawn shop changed your life!

WHY do you have to let the dog die.. that video is so sad :'(
but the ending is great, good storyline !

well thats how life is - sometimes sad things happen unexpectedly, so you should always prepare for it and appreciate the good times

Great story @sirwinchester

can't imagine how you come up with all of this, so creative! And love how you integrated STEEM!

happy to hear that you liked it, thank you!

great work, your approach and outline was great

thank you, appreciate that! I spent the whole day writing the story

+1 and following ! Wow, really great story ! "Edutainment" looking forward to reading more from you !

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

Nice short story with a feel good ending. Sometimes life can be a rush, but if you take time to assess your situation, no matter how ridiculous or life-threatening it may be, you will always have another unforeseen option to turn things around. The unpredictability of life is just as intriguing as our choices to mold our future. Keep up the great work bro.