The Success Of A Relationship Should Not Be Measured By Its Longevity

"Forever is composed of nows"

Happily Never After?

We live in a society that loves to hold onto unrealistic ideals for dear life. The concept of “forever” is inherently tied to romantic relationships, or so we think. We could care less that it’s a social construct that once proved useful hundreds of years ago when the average lifespan was about 30 years old. Playing against statistics, even when we’re holding the short end of the stick, is our favorite hobby. We won’t let go of our outdated vision of love, even if it fails us times and again. If Hollywood portrayed it, it must mean something! Selling enticing illusions makes for a gold mine, that’s for sure. Even if it causes our own self-inflicted destruction. Evaluating the success of a romantic relationship using the metric of longevity is a sure way to fool ourselves, here’s why.

Many couples remain together until old age, or perhaps until “death does them part”, all the while secretly wishing they could slit each other’s throats. So in this instance, (which is by the way, a very common one), if misery comes with longevity, would it be fair to say that a miserable couple that has remained together through decades is therefore a successful one? Absolutely fucking not.

Yet, our vision of love is so embedded in us that we mistakenly equate “end goal” with “success.” A couple could have been together for a decade, made the decision to separate, remain friends for a long time, and chances are we’d regard that couple as having failed at love. We don’t judge the quality of a relationship by the good things and the growth that came out of it, but rather by its end result. End result is shit? Fine. All relationship was shit. Let’s discard all the good stuff that happened before that final breaking point. It is like judging a person on one thing they did. That makes for a very biased analysis of someone.

We need to grow comfortable with the idea that Forever does not exist. Everything in life has a temporary existence, and we’re living proof of it! It’s the flow of life, and going against it will sooner or later lead to our downfall. I know it’s a tough one to swallow for all the fairytales lovers out there, but please get on with it, it will only do you good.