It's early evening. The moon is full and bright casting a pale blue hue across the grassy meadow as I struggle to keep up with a small little boy who tugs on my hand eagerly guiding me toward the lone gumtree at its far end. Its branches silhouetted against the moons glow. Overhead the southern night sky of Australia glitters with stars. Its a perfectly still night. Stunning and surreal it seems like a moment frozen in time.
Giggling he turns and lets go of my hand and reaches up with both arms for me.
"Dad! Up Huggle Dance!" His cheerful little voice says, requesting for me to pick him up.
Bending down I grab him and swoop him up into my arms and together we twirl around under the stars as he squeals in glee. His twinkling eyes capturing images of the moon.
Alone in the fields the two of us dance and sing. Making up the words to our special song as we go along. His lyrics pointing out the trees, creeks and favourite places in his kingdom. The field at the end of our street. Places of fond memories. Where he first learned to throw a ball, and where we took our family photos. My arms refuse to give in or ache as I never want let go of this moment.
The moment where I first felt truly and totally happy and content in my life. A breakthrough where for the first time I wasn't ashamed of my failings. Felt proud of who I was. Realised there was a meaning in my life, something I loved more than I could understand. A reason to exist. To be a father to this little boy. To protect and nurture him. Watch him grow up. To make him happy.
That memory is the single most precious thing that I have. The most beautiful moment in my life. The most perfect reason to be.
I replay this memory over and over in my head daily. Its one of the few things that holds me together. Keeps me strong.
I'm currently nine thousand one hundred and eighty seven miles from my son. Working in another land that feels lonely and painful. I shovel dirt for hours on end each day breaking my body under the merciless sun making very little.
And with each shovel full I replay that scene. To remember my reason and purpose. To get back to my son. To be the best father I can.
I miss my boy dearly and am so thankful for our memories, dancing under the moon, singing together. Father and Son.
This is my most beautiful and precious thing I have.
Up Huggle Dance
