Isn't that our job? Self-sufficient. We start school almost as soon as we are born, we look for work as soon as we graduate or even before, we leave our family, we run around like a horse trying to catch up while drowning in certificates?
So, after all of this labour, we die of loneliness, full of varied feelings of inadequacy.
When did we get here? Who or what moulded us into who we are? Why do we fear solitude? Could we be missing something in the shuffle?
We feel inadequate because we have been compared since childhood, we engage with the wrong people, we listen too much to our neighbours, and the standards are too "according to whoever and what." Consciousness of this experience is a major accomplishment for me.
After years of suffering with feelings of inadequacy, I'm finally getting rid of them. I am sufficient; I live my life to the best of my ability; I do not damage anyone; rather, I ruin myself to be useful. Then a voice, a hand behind my back, screams "you're missing!" If I am aware of this, I will stop; I am skilled at stopping. I'm already getting flung around.
We also try to make up for our flaws by relying on others. Especially with our partners. It's as though this is the root of most arguments' agitation. We propose that as two halves of an apple, why not attempt walking together as one?
Breakups have recently been a nightmare. Separations are difficult enough, but is it getting worse? Is it a state of not being able to let go? Except for huge passions, I wonder if we inject too much meaning, think our partner makes up for our defects, and even compromise ourselves to keep it going? I'm intrigued. How often is it that we look for problems in others rather than in ourselves?
Our destination seems to be the polar opposite. Isn't it true that there are so many online dating options that you can't have one without the other? After all, aren't we swiping left and right to locate "that" person?
Our partner does not need to be perfect, to receive flowers at night, to cook, or to be coy for a massage. Relationships have also evolved to the point where we expect them to comprehend us. We may expect her to receive flowers again, but she must avoid the red rose cliche. So, is "that" person the one to understand and help us? No way, no how. So, why can't we give up?
It's probably a fear of being alone. We can't just have a nice job, work ourselves to death, and then relax and watch TV at night, right?
We live with ourselves for years and periodically forget who we are. What do we enjoy? To avoid connecting to the autopilot and coming home like a robot without eating or watching TV, we need to focus on three things. Years pass, birds fly, and we stand again. I don't want to overwhelm someone with advice, but in this case, I chose to focus on myself first. For example, focusing on ourselves instead than our spouse may help us feel less lonely. Self-sufficiency makes it easier to let go of the other person. Giving up is painful, but is it virtuous?
I am sufficient :)
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