if i learned one thing in recent years is to work hard at removing drama and distraction. this is bloody hard when their so much of a connected world at our fingertips, people, projects, ideas, concepts, place, foods. it’s all right there at a click of a button if you want it. it can become the only noise, the white noise that overrides those pangs of a future life we have dotted throughout the day - the ones you get after a film that touches your core values, the moments when you wish you had all your shit together for once.
i’m very much in a rebuild phil phase, i have a clear narrative of where i’m going, what i need to get there, i’m mobilising like a task force waiting to storm the beach front property, i’m reading all the metrics in realtime, i’m adapting to the way the resources are changing each and every day and seeing where i fit in between all of that mass of data. i’m riding each wave of reality with a side order of logic and reason.
the main thing right now is an ‘in transit’ income, that is residual and regular work patterns that make me want to pull the trigger on the rest of the things that enable me to keep that up — new phone, laptop repair, some kind of upgrade from car to mini motorhome and the finances to buffer around weekly recon trips to a remote base we want to setup in europe so we can be around a co-working space where everyone works together for the betterment of the group and the nearby surrounding area.
i’ve tried many times to do that here in the uk but i was always hit with division because i’m not a yes man, i’m not a deal man, i’m not gonna adapt and slow down because your funding structure wants to put a velvet coating on the top of it. i’m a fucking disruptive maverick and that’s how i roll, if i wanna be a douche and flip my f15 upside down and give you the bird that’s because i’ve got the confident bollocks to believe in my own abilities, not the pre-formed, pre-processed, bollock speak that is put into documentation designed to unlock pockets of new money. fuck that. tbh.
even when people tell you to just toe the line and you know deep down you are doing yourself a disservice by not going through yourself, fail yourself, fail fast, learn from it, adapt to the outcome, adopt the valuable things you learned, the takeaways, what you were really feeling, where it all snapped into perfect clarity and you realised you were wearing the wrong colour of tinted glasses — remember the biggest person you can blag is yourself.
see, what keeps me going is that i have a gps pre-programmed. it’s deep with me, deep down in my internal soul, like a re-discovered map with parts missing, rubbed out, course leading through holes in the map that i can’t replace but can travel past or through - but i can see the start and the end, i know that the destination laid in will take me through lots of junctions, stop lights and go for it green with an arm thrown in front of my in a kerb to stop, think and watch the breakdancing bear.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do — Eleanor Roosevelt
i’ve been trapped by apathy for the last few months, maybe it was summer, maybe it was an emotional tsunami wave that i hadn’t allowed to crack on my mental shoreline or just that i was having a life pause, maybe i was not having a great mid life health moment. who knows, but here i am, acknowledging it’s existence and removing the power from it by being productive and powering myself up in the process. you could say that i’m applying steem power to myself in introspective curation.
either way know this, regardless of where you are right now and where you want to be as long as you are carry that spark, regardless of distraction then you can still win, you can still win on your passion to do something with your life, that you can race toward that goal and throw your hands up in the air like you broke through a glass window to feel the breeze on the other side, i have confidence in your abilities even if right now you don’t. protect that spark, keep it burning even in times of overwhelm and confusion.
so what are you waiting for?
it’s time to get down low.
hit that piece of shiny mat.
let’s do this peoples.
ok, so that wasn’t as clean as it could be, just keeping working at it m’kay? don’t get distracted, even reading this post maybe took you away from the goal for a minute, maybe it rebalanced you like it did me writing it, who knows, i do hope thou that it picked you up and made you consider which one of those pathways to stay on.
go forward and be humble my friends.
Damn, boy spitting straight fire. Glad this was part of the rebalancing process for the day, I know the feeling but look at you, here to fight another day!
Go ahead mouse!
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