Climbing the Ladder

I just chuckled to myself as I wrote the title of this thinking of me trying to get up a ladder with my drag a leg. Finding the positivity and humor in everything makes the best possible outcome for the present moment. Now it seems to be my natural reaction at times and that makes me proud. Neuroplasticity is real and can be practiced by anyone who wants to try.

When I think of climbing the ladder, I'm thinking of climbing up from old ways of thinking and situations, and rising to the next level towards the new moment. No matter what it is, we have to get past whatever is there, so we can get to the next step. Unless we want to go backwards and step down, but that's not as progressive or productive and not the direction I want to go in.

I have to get myself up to the next step WITH my drag a leg. It's not going away yet and the 10.5km walk to Conquer CRPS is coming up quickly! There is much organizing, promoting, networking and fundraising left to do. (If you or your business want to help, email [email protected])

But I have barely been able to work my 2.5 hour shift, blog and keep up with housework. I have only made 2 Instagram posts with @ConquerCRPS and none with @HippieRaysWays in my 3 weeks of treatment. I have only been able to make limited contacts in regards to the walk. Why am I so drained??

I don't think the BioPhoton Therapy (Photon Therapy with blue and red lights) is the right treatment for me. Please, do not be discouraged by reading this if you are hoping to try the treatment. There is a 60% success rate that I know of. I know of people who have been in more than tolerable pain levels for more than 3 years now, after 2 sessions with year of CRPS pain prior. Young teenagers who feel no pain after 1 session. It can be right for the right person and I will forever stand by that. Every patient is different and the only way we know if it's right for us, is by trying.

Early diagnosis is also so important. Within the first 3 MONTHS is when treatment is most effective in most cases. This is why I decided to treat my leg as soon as it was an option, so I could hopefully nip it in the butt.

Unfortunately, my pain is generally 8/10 now. That's a good, normal day and I might be going crazy from trying to be ok with it.

Anyone else have to constantly remind themselves that "it's ok, that doesn't hurt"? Or breathe heavier with earplugs in to reduce the sound around them so their body can stop being stiff? Or even more embarrassing, twitching?

I dress up in nice clothes one day to try to feel pretty and I just get told how awful I look when I walk. My skirt agreed every time it touched my leg in the wind to give me a shock of fire. Why the heck did I even try?

On Monday, me and the doctor discussed how this might not be the right treatment, but she wanted to finish this week & then we might be done. This morning, I'm feeling quite nervous. I have a feeling I am going to go through the same intense pain for 24 hours afterwards like I have been. I have my step daughters again this weekend too and I hate them seeing me like that.

I just want to feel better, have my energy levels back up to par and rock the sh*t out of the 2nd Annual Walk To Conquer CRPS on August 31.

Go to https://www.canadahelps.org/en/pages/walk-to-conquer-crps/ to donate now

Things have been dragging me down a little bit lately, but I am hoping to take the next step up the ladder soon. "It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop" -Confucius

Day 75/375

Entry 34/183

Positive thoughts,

-Kristen Sparkle

@ConquerCRPS and @HippieRaysWays on Instagram