I want to be a good person who does good things. I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good step mother. I want to be a good daughter, sister, employee and friend. I want to put positive into the world and feel it in my life.
But sometimes I feel like a lot of things are wrong because of me and my health. How it continues to get worse while my hope remains higher than ever. I can't for the life of me figure out a way to make financial problems disappear. I can't for the life of me drag my body to work and pretend to be ok everyday. I can't for the life of me depend on myself for many things and the list of what I can do keeps getting smaller.
It's a shit feeling if I'm being honest.
I have dreams, don't get me wrong. I have great projects on the go and I have finally found an amazing partner who can help me move forward and actually become successful.
But right now... on my second day calling in sick from work.. again...no real food in my cupboard and my fridge littered in bills...again..my husband getting ready to go to another 14 hour night shift trying to make ends meet while I crumble at my own breath on my skin...again..and still..
I feel pretty shitty.
I do hope that all of my dreams, hard work and hope go towards the right direction. I'm so broken these days and without further treatment dates, I don't know what to do with myself other than continue to push forward with dreamy goals.
So I blogged. Getting up to my 183 posts in 365 days and raising awareness to the crap life CRPS patients feel sometimes. I'm usually the Sparkle, I'll get back to it I promise, but today I'm just the spark.
Be hopeful, be positive and be kind to your mind everyone. It's the only thing that can get you where you want to be.
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
Day 165/365
Entry 75/183
@ConquerCRPS on Instagram
Thank you for sharing, I can only imagine how difficult it may be to live everyday with such illness. I was in a motorcycle accident a couple years which completely tore several ligaments in my shoulder, broke my collarbone, and screwed up my sternum. When I get pain flare ups (which usually last several days) it makes it very difficult to stay happy, positive, and 'sparkly'.
I wish you the best in your endeavor to conquer CRPS and find good ways to distract from and alleviate the pain. Keep doing your posts and steem on!
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