This beautiful Saturday morning deserves a bonus entry with sincere thoughts and hopes <3
It's no secret that I have felt kind of defeated over the past week. I worked hard on a project in all of my spare time since September and without option, it was taken away. I spent countless hours, lots of love, dedication and trust on that project. It's a shame I don't see trust in the near future being the same after this.
This morning, I received 2 emails from my OG Sparkles (Yes, I am being hip here). Helen Sunshine sending random love and literal sparkles. Then, Steve being absolutely amazing and understanding as always. Out of the blue for the both of them, it has been too long and I love them both for their connection to me <3
I needed those reminders <3
So, it has been mentioned before that I used to be an 'Earth Warrior'. I organized community clean ups and had the help of many people to lift literal tonnes of garbage from the Earth. Here's a part of our human conveyor belt of garbage in action:
The city sent a dump truck and excavator to pick up the piles of metal, broken glass, propane tanks and other garbage we collected. It was impressive and felt amazing to help mother nature in such a way.
I became diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and was unable to climb cliffs or pick up garbage anymore. Every April, my heart begins to hurt a little wishing I was able to do the things I could do before. I wanted to help make a difference somehow and needed to find something.
So I started Upcycling and selling my crafts at local craft fairs with my sister and online. Upcycling is the art of taking something that is of no normal use (cereal boxes, magazines, clothes that don't fit, etc.) and turning it into something of use. Reducing waste from our landfill bit by bit, but it all adds up. I am my grandmothers grandchild and my mothers daughter, I have crafting in my blood since I was younger and it was my small attempt to make a difference.
Then, I fractured my dominant forearm and became diagnosed with the un-curable Complex Regional Pain Syndrome- CRPS. The highest rated pain on the McGill Pain Index, above anything you can imagine. I also had soft tissue damage in my shoulder, herniated C4-C7, pinched C7 nerve and scoliois with degenerating discs to match the fibromyalgia. So I can't really use my right arm unless I'm HIGHly medicated on self-prescribed Marijuana- A conversation for another day.
Needless to say, my passion of Upcycling had to go with the community clean up pile of the past passion projects.
Until September.
After the 2nd Annual Walk to Conquer CRPS was finished in August, I needed to do something to make a difference in some way. Small steps count because the CRPS is in my legs now too. So, me and my Soul Sister attempted to do something amazing. It didn't work out and that's ok. The lessons learned were priceless and now I am ready to stand on my own two feet with my handy dandy walking stick <3
I have spent the past few months going through my craft room and organizing my supplies again. I've been creating products that I was dreaming about making for years, but never allowed myself the time or persistence required. I have pushed beyond my physical limits for some of these creations (consumed a lot of home grown marijuana), but I am INCREDIBLY proud of them.
My goal was to create something that would allow me some stability in my life so I can hopefully heal a little instead of having the CRPS continue to spread. I am still attempting to work 2.5 hours a day un-medicated in a call center. I have to walk there and smile while I talk to my customers and the CRPS takes over my body. Every nervous system in my body is controlled by it and it's quite impressive how many triggers there are for pain, tremors, stiffening or even crying. But I'm still trying because I have no other financial option.
I wanted to have the bigger project bloom with my soul sister so that this little Upcycling adventure made more sense and had more attention, but I guess that's not what she had planned.
It's my attempt to have Sew Earthy Creations live on Etsy by 11/22 because the date feels magical with numbers and I'm hoping the Universe at least has my back with this portion of the project.
In the meantime, I will be honest and say that I need help. I have no idea how to gain followers or attention through these blogs. I need to find good articles or people to help me better understand #WordPress and #Steemit (I read that hashtags help). I'm also going to be honest and say that my paycheck for 2 weeks was $114 and my bills are more than that. I can't buy paint, gloss, glue and other supplies or pay for Etsy listing fees until next pay, (Hopefully I make more than $114) which is Nov 22. 11/22. May the force be with me. I was saving this link until that project with my Soul Sister went live and we each had our own under profiles but now that I know it's not, I should be comfortable sharing this without feeling bad about myself.
paypal.me/sewearthycreations
If you're able to help in anyway, I appreciate you. I will not be sharing this link in every entry, don't worry.
So, I have been crafting my heart out and using my hands the best I can. I am not letting the world get me down and I'm patiently waiting for doctors appointments to help give me a little bit more physical strength.
13th and 25th for medical appointments and 11/22 for another attempt to make my dreams come true within my limitations <3
On that positive thought, there is lots to do today and I have kindness in my mind. May the Universe bring us all many reasons to smile today <3
Be kind to your mind and make today a great day with positive thinking, no matter what <3
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
Day 223/ 365
Entry 102/183 (Bonus entry <3)
@ConquerCRPS and @HippieRaysWays on Instagram
Sometimes...things do not work out exactly the way you thought they would. We can always strive to go into everything with the purest of intentions and yet...still hit unexpected obstacles from inside and outside. I believe the truest test of actually caring about someone so completely...is being able to weather just about anything. This whole thing did not have to be a 'never' sort of situation just a 'not now...because life is complicated'.
Understanding that plans and goals do not always follow a perfectly straight path is important here. And preventing the steady decline of mental health and personal wellbeing should always be considered a top priority...even though making that choice can unfortunately appear selfish.
Instead of seeing this as the bitter result of trusting someone and having one option taken away...I had hoped you would come to see this as another option given. Even though this was not the outcome that either of us wanted...we both lost time and energy. It works both ways and the aftermath is not singular. Moving forward does not always look or feel the way you might have imagined because every option...even the ones that feel bleak hold some good.
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