Infertility is one of those topics that those affected by it don't often talk about, although it's a very common issue. Most of us know at least one person dealing with infertility issues, but we just aren't aware of it. There can be several reasons for that. One is that it's obviously sad and painful to talk about, especially if one is going through it at the moment. Another reason is a sense of shame and inadequacy. They feel like a failure for being unable to bring life into this world, especially if everyone around them is having babies so effortlessly. Another reason is the fact that others around them feel uncomfortable talking about it. Most people who can't relate tend to say the wrong things like "Relax! Don't stress yourself. It'll happen as you keep trying" or "You can always adopt."
Now with that said, here are a few ways we can make this process easier for them even if you don't know if they're struggling with infertility.
Don't ask questions like "When are you going to have kids?" and "You only have one kid?" While financial security is one of the reasons couple don't have kids even after being together for a while, another reason may be the inability to conceive or the inability to carry a baby full term (miscarriage/stillborn). Some people suffer from secondary infertility where they're struggling to get pregnant after having one child already.
You can do two things instead. A) Don't say anything because you already assumed they've been trying and it's not happening, or B) If you say something, get personal and say something like "All in God's timing. I will keep you guys in my prayers." Prayers are always appreciated.If you do know about their infertility issues, don't isolate them when you have good news about a new baby and anything baby-related like a baby shower. Anything baby-related can trigger some sadness for them, but they can still be happy for you. Although some may decline a Baby shower invitation, invite them anyway and give them that choice.
Do not offer any unsolicited advice or tips even you have gone through the same struggle unless they ask. What worked for you may not work for them as every case is different. Remember to be sensitive in how you address this topic. And assume that they already got that same advice from someone else.
Do not complain about your current pregnancy nor your kids. Being able to bring life into this world is such a blessing; embrace your whole journey wholeheartedly, both good and bad. Not everyone has that privilege.
