It’s easy to look back and second-guess oneself. Truth is, there is always an infinite number of alternative choices that each of us could have made, and the older we are, the higher the number of roads not taken by default, by choice, by ignorance, or by sheer stupidity. What’s interesting is that we tend to assume that the road not taken would have been better, that in that alternative reality we would have been happier, richer, etc etc. But what is to say that we would not have ended up in a ditch, been blown up by a bomb, caught a deadly disease, or simply died an early death? Here again the alternatives are endless. We are the sum total of our past choices and experiences, and it is what we do with our battle scars what really counts. One thing is sure: as long as we’re alive we’re not done screwing up. By the same token we’re also not done making choices that express the best parts of us. It’s a mixed bag. I’m sorry that your new year started with learning of the death of a friend. Tomorrow may be a better day. Or it may be a shitty day. Sometimes we just drag our sorry arses around and feel like a complete waste of space. Sometimes we’re on top of the world, we bring moments of grace to someone in need, or we realize how lucky we are to have someone in our life who will put up with our bullshit day in day out. You got a new bike, it’s part of who you are. You probably live your life the way you ride your bike: reckless, bold, deliberate and free. Now your friend is free. he is the wind, he is the sky, he is the trees and the meadows and the clouds. Ride in his honor. Just tuck the road map he gave you in the back pocket of your mind, you never know when it might come in handy.