SHADES OF CRAZY AND OUR DEATH IN SILENCE (some hard truths in non conventional writing)

Source

I don't have my life together
What?
I shouldn't say that?
Well
I just did, so...
Bite me!
You know what?
Amma start talking

Why are we fucking hypocrites
And downright inhumane

Trust me
I get the inhumane part
We are humans
So we are all bloody selfish

Oh Saint Joseph, you are not?
Well I am!
Are we good now?
Nonsense!

We think of only ourselves
And yea sometimes we really should
'Cos the bitter truth is
No one cares about you
Let me add "like you"

Before they slap me another label
"Pessimistic"
In addition to "crazy"
That's one is no news actually

Oh you didn't know that part?
Sweetheart, I am hundred shades of crazy
Some can say (in a whisper) "mad"
(In a scream) "oh yes I am mad baby"

"Don't say negative things!"

Damnit! Its not negative, its fact!

Sorry...
I am drifting away again

I can understand selfish
Like humans not caring
If you depressed, down or having mental issues
If there are voices in your head
Or if some nights
You tempted to pick up the blade
I understand that
'Cos when my head starts tormenting me
Everyone ceases to exist
Its just me
In my corner of the world
And my head

You still don't get, do you?
I have got mental problems
I am with my therapist every other day
And the drugs keeps me from tearing my throat out
Honestly, I don't know which is working
I am not dead yet, so one must be doing something
Anyways, point is I am not so normal
And sometimes I wanna talk
Talk to free my head
Talk and find a friend
Talk to seek for help
But I just can't
'Cos humans are hypocrites

Once they can slap on you a label
They run as fast as my dog from a snake
Sorry, they fly ( that's what my dog does)
He is so negative!
Please positive vibes only
Are you sure she's not on dope
That guy has issues mehn!
"Depressed? Spare us and go do depressed on your bed"
"You are just a coward!" "Be strong and face life"
Blah blah blah

Don't you get?
I can't face life 100%
If this doesn't go
I try my best but sometimes the beast rears its ugly head

You can hide your problems
And tackle them
Or die with them
Or they kill you
I don't care much. Trust me, I don't.

But why don't you shut your dead weight mouth
When someone else
Who can't handle the riot in his brain
Tries to talk

I am luckier than most
I have a shrink
And I got some drugs
Most people have nothing
Everyday is a struggle in hell
And that hell is in their mind
And that mind is realer than you
You think cos its in the mind its nothing?
It might seem like nothing
To your wealth of issues
But it's their issue
And its huge to them

These ones are scared
They need help
They trying to scream out
To friends, their parents, family
Anyone that can help
But somewhere in between fear of rejection
And a hypocritical society
They choke on their own voice

And funny enough
When they get little injections of positive
They condemn every one trying to breathe
To survive by seeking for help

I am so tired already
Can't keep talking when no one listens
I am not that mad
Lool. The I irony of it all
See how uncomfortable you look
It really cracks me up
I know you want to run from me

Please don't go
I need you
Stay
I am not strong
I need help
I want to survive
But I don't know how to

Sadly but unsurprisingly
I watch your retreating back

There is so much I want to say
But I have responsibilities
I have to be strong
For my family, friends and my dogs

In the end I don't take my own advise
I am a hypocrite
And I am inhumane too

©Onashile Peace(tolarnee)

---

Mentally ill people are humans too
I know we all busy with our lives and all
But sometimes an act or word of kindness is all that is needed to make that person rethink a meaningless life.
And stop condemning people anyhow, you are no saint and you have no clue what they are going through..
.