I am slowly making my way back home. I have left my mother's house and I am now with my younger sister for a couple of nights before I fly back to Spain. I am beginning to leave this dreamlike state that i have been living in these last few weeks. Where at times things seemed to move very slowly, now I seem to be returning to a more natural flow.

I seem to be interacting more with the 'outside world', something that needed to happen and I am kind of happy it did before I arrived home. A few days ago I was feeling somewhat anxious about returning to my everyday life. It seemed too soon and almost selfish of me, that my life should return to normal. But I am not the same as I was before, I sit here a different person.

At times I still do not know how I will cope with this loss, I feel completely overwhelmed by all that has happened, all that I have witnessed. As well as dealing with my own grief, I am witnessing the grief of my daughters as well. It breaks my heart watching them take in the reality of what has happened. Some of the things that they have said and the wonderful way in which they grasp their loss.

My second daughter turned to me recently and said:

my heart is now in two pieces. Sinead has one half and I have the other. It is like that for us all, because that is how we all stay connected.

This blew me away, how she was literally able to explain her broken heart to me, but in a way that did not speak of sadness, but only of love and connection.

I have cried a lot with my two eldest daughters. It really is so important to allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to express those feelings/emotions. There have been so many times in my life where I would have held back, but not now. Now I want and need to let all this pain out and I need for my children to see me do this too. Because even though it comes natural to them, it is not always something that is encouraged.

This is indeed a rocky road, one that I am still a little unsure of, but I am glad I am back on it. I just have to keep reminding myself to go slow and be gentle.

8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp

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happycrazycon (63) · 6 years ago

Condolences and hugs to you @trucklife-family! Take all the time you need to process the grief 💕

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trucklife-family (72) · 6 years ago

thank you @happycrazycon

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indigoocean (67) · 6 years ago

I’m so sorry that you had to face this loss. It’s wonderful that your girls have the emotional health to process it. Well done.

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thank you @indigoocean for your words and support x

vincentnijman (68) · 6 years ago

Can't say it any better than @indigoocean just did.

Un abrazo fuerte

thank you my friend xx

eco-alex (73) · 6 years ago

My heart goes out to you in buckets. Sending love and a deep long hug

ah thank you Alex, I certainly could do with that hug xx

consciousangel7 (63) · 6 years ago

Lots of love prayers for safe journeys and heart healing for everyone. 💜💙💕this year seems to be a tough one for many as this ascension is shaky everyone to the core. Love and peace to you and your family 😊💜

thanks so much @conciousangel7

💜💙💕

steemitmamas (64) · 6 years ago (edited)

Our deepest condolences on your loss. Much love and prayers to you and your family @trucklife-family from all the Mamas during this difficult time. Hugs!

thank you @steemitmamas for the love x

kaerpediem (70) · 6 years ago

Hugs @trucklife-family
I am so sorry for your loss
<33

thank you @kaerpediem x

ana-maria (64) · 6 years ago

Your post left me speechless, and all I can say and do is - I'm going to pray for you!

thanks @ana-maria x

Traveling Along This Rocky Road

8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp