Who we are

When things are foggy, they're more clear

You open up your eyes, look out through the window and.., that's it .

You quickly grab your phone, checking messages, notifications, before sending a 'Hello' text to your dearest ones, or even before shouting 'Incomiiing!' And pretending to jump on the person on your right-side of your bed .

But you stick to your phone, and she's awake .. She's awake before you, and before him. She can't sleep anymore, missing all the hugs that used to wrap around her body; the attention that was never asked for but, it was always there; the kisses that came out of nowhere almost like an air-strike hitting ridiculously everywhere, and the moment when he took a 5 hour train and then walked through the thick snow for more than an hour to reach to my grand-parents's home because he was missing me so much. Oh what a Surprise it was! And i was so annoyed he went through all that because of me!! It was, just two months ago..

But it feels longer than that. It's been all fading away after that, feels like all is gone now..

-Maybe i should let it go.. (quietly telling to herself)
-But i never give up! (replying herself back, while taking a deeper breath)

He hears that deep, long breathing, knowing what it means. His hand involuntarily tries to reach her hand for comforting her, but, it stops in mid-air.

-What should i do? (questioning himself) . I miss wrapping my hands all around her and the joy and beautiful moments we've had. She was the center of my world! And when we were kissing, oh dear it was like i was trying to invade Pearl Harbour and all she did was laughing in a squeaky voice and dodging around :sweat_smile: . And that moment when I took the 5 hour train and then walked through the thick snow for more than an hour to arrive at her grand-parents's house cause I was missing her so much?! Oh she looked so surprised, she almost threw with things at me.

That wasn't quite the expectation i thought i'd get. It was odd; but, she kept having this pullbacks for a while already. The projects we made for us she, deemed them unrealistic or, that she can't do it because it's not her habit to; the trips we've planned she, suddenly got sick with each occasion and couldn't go anymore; her friends don't know we're together; she kept on being absent, from our life..

We spent those few days together at the 'Winter House' as we used to call it. But since that moment of realisation, it all changed. As few weeks passed by, i could clearly see: i was in a relationship i was in, it was just for me. She didn't wanted to be there for the sake of it but rather to, just be there. And i liked it for a while; i couldn't stand the thought of being alone again, lost in this world. So my demons, they played the act as if nothing happened, and put more smoke into the play, to further deceive myself!

What a despair! he realised.. He closed his eyes and the image that stroke him was of an empty boat, laying empty and alone, on an empty shore..

That's how he felt his soul, abandoned, somewhere far away by his own fears, by what was going on. His existence became more and more meaningless to her, and thus to everything else.

And now the unspoken words, her discreet ignorance, his fearful concerns, have all led to this present deaf silence.

-Who we are, we know now; (thinking deeply for himself) we're just a small detail in this massive world, in this engulfing nothingness.

Realising the futility of everything, he put his phone aside laying back under the blanket and kissing her goodnight. Somehow they both felt it's going to be alright. They hugged and fell asleep, with better hopes for tomorrow.

---

---

---

*In order to provide more psychological depth of the emotional dimension that a couple can experience, I wrote this story from four points of view: of the author, the narrator, him and her. I hope you enjoyed it .