How come I am not locked in, lost or a serial killer?

wakeupkitty (75) in life • 7 years ago

Could I be a psychopath?

How come I am not a psychopath or serial killer, not a disturbed person or I have a multiple personality disorder (DID)?
How come I am not in a mental hospital and never been there? I am not keeping on trying to kill myself or at least hurting (harm) myself and have SH? So I have at least some control about my own life, my feelings? How come I have no amnesia and simply forget forever and start a new life somewhere else? How come I always have to act normal and every word I say is measured. Nobody ever said: she has a tough life don’t take her that seriously just let her be.

I have plenty of life experiences.

Plenty of experiences that would drive other people crazy or mad already a long time ago. I have a lot of reasons, very good reasons, to hate women, men and children. Plenty of reasons to go hunt for people who harmed me even more as anyone can imagine.
I am sure I am able to find all of them easily. No matter where on this planet they live or hide.

How come I am not taking advance of people or want revenge?

The list with names of those who did harm me, abused me on purpose, who tried to break me is long (and they are still laughing about me behind my back). I did not forget one of hem as time passed by and I never will. If it comes to that my memory will never fail on me.

I do not know why I never did defend myself.

Why I do not fight for my own rights, just for some one else’s. But I do believe I am changing. I am not the kind of person I always was. If I would have a gun I would simply shoot those who make my life miserable on purpose. The kind of people who think they are untouchable and do as they like. The bullies. The ones who add nothing to society besides pain and even get away with it. At the moment I am just too lazy to get myself a gun. Hopefully I never meet those people again. If so there is always the change I will “snap” after all. Since after all I am a broken person as well and there is no reason to be friendly or helpfull. So it might be I am lunatic after all.
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(picture: YouTube/African American woman locked in)

7 years ago by wakeupkitty (75)

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enrique-dutch (37) · 7 years ago

You are not a lunatic Kitty. You are a very strong person to survive all that you went through! You said people don't have to pity you (in other words) but it's all 'just' a lack of love, which you should have had from you're parents. That you have a hard time loving or beloved is all caused by that, i'm sure! But you are a nicer person than you give yourself credit for; you always want to help and you and me never had a 'virtual fight', only one misunderstanding, while we both where abused as a child!

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wakeupkitty (75) · 7 years ago (edited)

I understand what you are saying but why do I not have the right to be disturbed, to be a fruitcak or a serial killer? Why do.I need to be normal after I have been going through?
It is not the lack of love I miss but the lack of hate and revenge and to teach someone a lessons for real (those bullues who refuse to hear should feel)

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enrique-dutch (37) · 7 years ago (edited)

It's not a 'right' to be disturbed or to be a serial killer, you know that! You went through a lot but thank God you are not such a person! But I think I know what you mean. I said to my doctor; 'I wish I was a psychopath, than I could take revenge without feeling guilty'. He said; 'No you dont want to be one, do you think they are happy people?! You'll end up in the "van Mesdag Kliniek". He is right I guess... But I still have feelings of hatred, so I think I know what you mean...?

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wakeupkitty (75) · 7 years ago (edited)

I would not end up in the van Mesdag nor Pieter Baan. The point is everybody has excuses, small or big ones, why they act the way they do. Nobody takes or needs to take responsibility for his/her own actions. There is alwsys someone or something to blame. Have a look at Holleeder for example. But if it comes to me I do not have the right to blame anyone or anything. I never get some credit. Every word I say, thing I do is measured. How come I never get some credit, a break? I don't agree with your doctor... there are way more nuts walking around free as locked in. Same with criminals.
I have no feelings of hate... so perhaps you are lucky you feel something. Even if these feelings are ups and downs.

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enrique-dutch (37) · 7 years ago

Kitty, I don't measure every word you say (you didn't said I did, I know) You have EVERY right to blame people. For instance, the people who were responsible for you when you were a child! Those people are the very first to even hate! And you have the right to have a break, I agree! But there is no one who can arrange that for you! I do feel your suferring, in a way of course, I can't feel wat you feel... I only can imagine... But please, don't say I'm lucky. I have my own hell to go through. And wich is worse, I don't now. Probably yours, but that also don't have to be measured.

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wakeupkitty (75) · 7 years ago

Thanks for yourrespond. Let's say we both are not lucky. Although I consider it as a luck I met you

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enrique-dutch (37) · 7 years ago

We can shake hands on that, I'm also happy I met you! Thank you!!

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How come I am not locked in, lost or a serial killer?

Could I be a psychopath?

I have plenty of life experiences.

How come I am not taking advance of people or want revenge?

I do not know why I never did defend myself.

Like to know more about me? Please read my other posts.

Where is the Europe you talk about?

City of Nagykőrös

Fighting the bully (for my children)

My child

For my Children