Sticks and Stones

Current culture has created this false idea that you should be hurt by what other people think and say.  We have even created new terms to validate this idea.  "Hate Speech, Bullying,  Hostile Environments".  Which is "normalizing" being offended over words.  The idea that people are validating for each other that they have been victimized or hurt in some way, is actually making it true.

When I was a kid we were told "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  I'm not saying words can't sting for a moment, but we have the able to consider if we should be hurt or not.  

My concern is people are being taught they have no control over their feelings.  If someone says something they don't like they have a huge reaction as if something has been done to them.    I know there are some new studies that show people have an brain reaction to words.  I bet my brain reacts when I stub my toe also but that doesn’t mean that I am damaged or harmed in any lasting way.

It is becoming difficult to disagree with people without lasting impacts on the relationship.  So, what we disagree on this one topic I bet there are many topics we also agree on.

Often people are just talking and are NOT going out of their way to offend.  Sometimes people say thoughtless things.  I know I do.  People make jokes. People have different opinions than you. People will think how they think, and be how they’ll be, and most likely, it has nothing to do with you.  So, why give people who say hurtful things your power?  Why allow something you have no control over to impact your mental state?  Take a moment and consider the words that offended you and ask yourself, is there something I should learn from this?  Is it true?  Is there a source?  

After considering the validity of the person's statement you have a choice.  You can choose to disregard the offending comment, or you can decide if it is valid.   Mature people do not allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control of their own emotions and they have a choice how to respond. 

What others say about you isn't about you, it is about them.  They can only speak through their own perception which does not reflect on you.  If I say, "All Green People are Rapists."  does that make it true?  No, it is just a perception of the speaker and it speaks much more about the speaker than the listener.  

Why don't we teach our kids that they can not control the thoughts and feeling of others and they DO control their own reactions?  This is a true and healthy scenario.

What is being taught that words are more important than actions and that emotion is more important than intellect.  Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair. 

Consider that it’s always easier to defend someone’s right to say something with which you agree. But in a free society, you also have a duty to defend speech to which you may strongly object.  My post is not intended to give offensive people a voice, rather to give sensitive people the knowledge they have a choice.  After all we can only control ourselves.

@whatsup