Battlefield of LOVE ♥♥♥ Yes! You read it right.

You may be wondering why I used the word "battlefield".

Keep reading and I'll tell you why.

Before I do so, let me share to you my experience when I had my first heartache and why not only because this is the first, this is also my unforgettable moment.

I was 18 back in 2012 when I had 29-year old boyfriend. Yes, I was 18 and he's 29. I was really in love with that guy. I think about our future together. Get married and have kids. But months after, we broke up. Why? He's so career-over-love person and I was a love-over-career. We chose to broke up so that he could focus on his job and he told me to get a life and enjoy since I'm 18. "Still young" is what they call it.

When you're the type of person who looks into love-over-career. You wouldn't mind losing what you have just for that person. You would give anything and everything you have for that person. Even it empties you, you will still give it. Why? Because you love that person.

At the age of 18, I had my first love, first happy moments being a couple, and of course first heartache is something I couldn't imagine that I was able to get through.

Months after, my dad died, the only man who made me feel that I deserve to be loved. The man who always cheers me up is now gone. I felt alone. Been left by my boyfriend, dad died, end of contract with the job. I felt useless. I had planted a bomb in my heart, that I will never ever give my 100% trust again to any guy. I've became a man hater.

But of course, life goes on. We can never tell what is ahead on the future. What will happen next is unpredictable. So yeah, I fell in love again, with another guy.

This time, we've been together a year sweetie. Yes a year full of happiness. A year that made me feel like I am a queen. I always get those sweet little surprises. I always have those sweet compliments every time I woke up. Every month he'll take me out for a dinner or movie time because it's our "monthsary". It was like a perfect love story to tell. It feels like I am in a fairy tale. It really felt good.

Until one day, someone messaged me on Facebook, that she was this guy's wife. I fell into pieces. I can't move. I can't talk. I can't breath. I don't know what to feel that moment I've read that message. It feels like I am having the nightmare of my life. So I confronted him, and finally, the truth came out. They are married, separated but not annulled. I was broken. I couldn't trust again. When I tried to broke up with him, he hurt me; physically. But God is good. I was able to get help from my family; to get away with this guy. And finally live my life again. Like I restarted my life.

So years passed. I am now living the happy go lucky life. I was able to build my walls. I promised that no one can break these walls to protect my heart. Every time that there's a guy who want to crushed down those walls, they cant. I learned to love my self and it was tattooed on my mind that no one ever can break those walls that I've built for a very long time. My life routine was work, home, and every rest day I have my night out with my girl friends.

2016, age of 23. I tried to open my Facebook conversation with my ex (the first in everything, the guy in my 18th). Wow. There's a lot of messages that I wasn't able to read because it's in my archive folder (believe me I didn't know it was there) I really thought this guy is married and living a happy life, but I was wrong. I stalked his Facebook profile and he's single and broken. So I responded to those messages. Conversation started, video calls, voice calls, every day before and after work hours. Life is amazing. This guy is now a person of love-over-career. He now wants me back for real.

2017, at the age of 24, I finally said yes again to him. He was able to break those walls and melted my heart again. He's now the one planning for the future. He's now the one who wants kids. He's now the one looking forward for our future together. He's now the one who wants the "family".

Love is a battlefield, you will make decisions, but sometimes those decisions will turn out to be the dumbest thing you've done in your life. Love will make you choose from the choices, but sometimes what we chose are the most painful thing we could ever get. And, sometimes what we thought that's good will give us the most bad experience in our life. It's a battle of decisions, feelings, temptations and of course experience together. There will always struggles, but that's that it. But love is love. You can never outrun it. Once, twice or countless times, we will always love. We can never run from it. You'll never know, maybe today you don't want it, but the next day you might be thinking, "am I gonna be alone for the rest of my life?" We will need someone to be there, someone who will accept you for who and what you are. Someone who will stand on the ground with you in times of ups and downs. And that's me to him. We're sad or happy, we're on top or down, we're broke or rich. But one thing's for sure, I won't leave this guy.

So what I'm trying to say is, no one can love you the way you want to be loved. It's about learning to love someone and just not expect anything in return. God will always give you humps along winding the road, but those will make you stronger and better, and when He knows that you are ready for the right one He will provide, at the perfect time.

So yeah, I'm 25 now, he's 36. And we now have a 4 month old baby boy.

I'm happy to tell you that he's my first and my last love. ♥♥♥