The wound of abandonment : How to heal from a fear of being lonely?

Abandonment wounds usually occur in childhood. It is one of the five emotional wounds—betrayal, humiliation, rejection, and injustice. This harm occurs after a parent or loved one leaves, causing insecurity or an unformed relationship.

Freud called the baby's early experience without his caregiver(s) (usually his parents) abandonment anxiety. Newborns intuitively fear abandonment when left alone since they realise they are vulnerable and cannot survive. His family abandonment and inability to live alone scare him.

If the absence is brief and the child's psychological integration abilities are intact, this fear dissipates when the parent returns. By learning the presence-absence of the item (the parent), he will eventually individualise and become psychologically separate.

There is no objective assessment for this, but if the delay surpasses the baby's capacity for integration, the worry of abandonment might cause lifelong psychological and emotional damage.

After the Second World War, American psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Spitz saw this pain in young children removed from their mothers and placed in institutions. It reveals that the infant needs regular, psychologically stimulating human contact to develop beyond his core needs.

In toddlers, deficiencies in this area cause “anaclitic” depression, which severely affects their psychological development.

Beyond these early and substantial inadequacies, a fear of abandonment can develop later, usually in childhood or adolescence, in response to grief, parent leave, etc. due to parental neglect, maltreatment, or violence.

The severity of the injury may not be connected to the event's objective violence. Adults can suffer abandonment harm without knowing why:

Unidentified microtraumas can also cause abandonment anxiety. This causes a “abandonment syndrome”—a psychological and emotional state of insecurity that affects relationships and one's self.

High rejection sensitivity and reaction are linked to abandonment fear. Emotionally incompatible behaviours are not tolerated and often cause rage or aggressiveness, which may appear inappropriate.

The person is constantly reminded of the same agony by anything that does not totally reassure them of their relationship or loved ones' unconditional love.

The fear of abandonment is most often associated with low self-esteem, as the experience of abandonment is more or less consciously linked to our sense of value: if we could be abandoned, it would mean we deserved nothing else.

Some ways to combat abandonment syndrome are to boost your confidence, self-esteem, embrace isolation, or regulate your emotions.

Before delivering this first piece of advise, realise that emotional reliance caused by a fear of abandonment can be easily cured with frequent therapy.

It begins by understanding self-beliefs caused by low self-esteem that drive your fear of abandonment.

Beliefs profoundly influence human behaviour. Ask yourself how you see yourself. If you think you're weak and dependent, it's normal to struggle without others' approval. The other's need rationality then shapes you.

Different strategies help us change our reductive and degrading self-image.
Asking yourself what makes you morally yourself will help you define yourself objectively rather than subjectively. from a lack standpoint.

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