We are aware of how to become anxious. The majority of us are very skilled at triggering our adrenal glands and becoming tense. The question then becomes: How do you unwind? Numerous behaviours that not only feel good but also put us in a calmer, more relaxed condition, where we can better handle whatever life throws at us, have been identified by research.
Breathin
When Jake, a U.S. Marine commander in charge of a Humvee travelling through Afghanistan in a convoy, hit an IED, he was a character in my book The Happiness Track. He looked down after the explosion and realised that his legs had been severely broken below the knee. He remembered a breathing practise he had heard about for extreme combat conditions in that instant of shock, panic, and pain.
He was able to fulfil his responsibility, which was to make sure everyone else in the car was okay. He had the foresight to order the call for assistance, tourniquet his own legs, and support them before he passed out, saving his life.
We sometimes take for granted the profound emotional control that our breathing provides. Your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your body's calming response, can be activated through your breath.
Because 50% of veterans don't experience any relief from counselling or medicine for their PTSD symptoms, we turned to breathing to aid them. We started teaching the veterans various breathing techniques despite their scepticism. After the week-long treatment, several of them no longer met the criteria for having post-traumatic stress disorder, and that maintained for up to a year later. Within a few days, some of them began sleeping without the aid of medicine.
Empathy for oneself
We are often our own worst judges. We falsely believe that being critical of ourselves will increase our self-awareness and motivate us to work harder. Self-criticism actually kills our resilience, according to a tonne of study. When we criticise ourselves, we become less able to learn from our errors. Self-critical persons frequently experience higher levels of anxiety and sadness as well as an inability to recover from setbacks.
Imagine someone who is taking part in their first-ever marathon and trips and falls. "You're a loser, you're totally not a runner," someone yells from the sidelines. How come you're here? Go home.” That person is our internal, self-critical voice. Self-compassion is somebody on the other side, who says, “Everybody falls, this is normal. You are so awesome, you’re totally killing this.”
Connection.
How often do we genuinely give someone our full attention? When was the last time your spouse or another person was fully present with you?
In America and around the world, loneliness is on the rise. We are aware that loneliness has a very negative impact on our physical and mental health, which can result in premature mortality. And while stress and a lack of calm in today's environment tend to make us inward-focused, they may also add to this loneliness.
Our greatest human need, after food and shelter, is to connect with other people in a positive way. From the moment we’re born until our last day, we have a deep and profound longing to belong to one another. And when we fulfill that need, it brings us more calm: The oxytocin and natural opioids that we release when we connect may exert a calming influence on our bodies, and the knowledge that we have the support of others can soothe our minds. When we face adversity, research suggests that our relationships and community have an important role to play in our resilience.
So how do we create a state of mind where we feel more connected?
The good news is that by taking care of yourself and your own well-being with practices like breathing and self-compassion, you are able to turn more attention outward to feel more connected, as well. Positive emotions like calm naturally make us feel closer to other people. You can try specific practices that research has found to boost your sense of connection, as well.
Compassion for other people.
Imagine yourself having a bad day because you spilt your coffee on yourself and it is pouring outside. When a buddy who is experiencing a genuine emergency calls, you quickly get up and go aid them. What happens to your mental state at that precise moment?
You suddenly have a lot of energy and are totally available to them. That is what happens to your life when you actively pursue altruism, service, and compassion.
It greatly improves your wellbeing, as many of us have discovered when we carry out small deeds of kindness. Our parasympathetic nervous system becomes more active and our heart rate decreases when we experience compassion.
The talk this essay is based on is part of the Positive Links Speaker Series by the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizations