The life we live to make life worth living

Daily I ask myself the question on why we do what we do and why do we sacrifice so much for what we believe in. I grew up in a very conservative household with a brother and sister both older than me so naturally when asking them I was the spoilt one.

When looking at it from my perspective I was always the last to achieve anything ... I was the first to be prohibited to try and always guided on what was conventionally accepted and what not. I think at the end of the day its what makes us and divines us as individuals as within my restrictive upbringing I realized that there is more out there. than to be ordinary and conventional.

I moved out of my parents house when I was in Standard 7 (15 Years old) and lived in a boarding school permanently visiting home every other weekend. At the Age of 16 I started working while still in school at a local restaurant to entertain the kids in the play area... NO I wasn't a clown.

At the ripe age of 18 my parents gave me the opportunity to go study at the Pretoria University and funny enough it was in the IT field as a Developer. I met my 1st love there even though it didn't last I still think of her every once in a while and hope she is happy in her Life... well at least happy to live a life she wanted traveling the world.

I eventually met my Wife whom I am still with to this day who gave me 2 wonderful boys that I wont trade for anything in the world. When my 1st was born it finally dawned on my not that I was a father but that I had to do more, I had to be more to be able to give him everything he wanted and needed.

This is where the grind ban for me. The ever struggling day in and day out reporting to "The Man" ... I manage to work myself up to management in the last couple of years... Don't know why it feels empty though as its what I always wanted. To be "The Man". The demand respect from my peers and to be asked for guidance and advice even if I had none.

Why is it so empty up here? So lonely?

Why does if feel after a lifetime of achievement that I accomplished nothing? Why does it feel that every day that its still a uphill battle with a war that hasn't even started yet?

2 September 2016 I visit the doctor for a checkup after my High blood pressure has finally gotten under control. The Doc looks at me and ask me if I would like the good or bad news 1st. My natural response was for the Good news. He said "Well. The good news is that I will take time off to come visit you in the Hospital... , that's if you survive your heart attack in less than a year"

Its hard to put in words what was going through my mind at that time. I have just spent my whole life to build this Ivory tower of mine and the only thing I neglected on my way up was my health

So I ask again why is it so empty up here? and ever so Lonely?

I never quite understood what one of my mentors always told me until I was at this crossroad in my life. He always said "Your health is all you have. Once that's gone you have nothing left"

Needless to say my life has drastically changed from then. I managed to lose to date 34kg (68lbs) and exercise daily. I eat healthy and will be there for my kids when they need me the most. When they are 18 and need to become "The Man" one day. So that I can be there for them to support and guide them on this journey we call life.

The things we do once we get perspective in life is quite amazing. The steps we take to change and better our self to be someone that can inspire rather than dishearten about how hard it will be. Life isn't easy. Life isn't forgiving. Its brutal in its honesty when it comes to the life we live...

My legacy will need to live on in my kids. Lets hope they life the best life they can...

Part 2 the follow in time