[Social Experiment] I slept with my 2 best friends - Part 5: The psychology of arousal

Dear readers,

one of the comments I often get from my male friends, when discussing sex, is "For you it's easy. You're a girl."

I am not denying that it is indeed easier for a girl to "get what she wants". The reason for this is that men are far easier turned on than women. Sometimes all it takes to wake the little soldier up is the sight of a bare ankle (slipping from underneath a girl's pants) or the strap of bra getting uncovered. With men, it's the visual that drives arousal. (Hence the success of sexy underwear ...) And once men start getting aroused, they will "look" for things to get even more turned on ("Oh, you can see her nipple pushing through her shirt").

Men are ready almost on the spot. When you're out with your boyfriend, on a sunny day and you cross a hot young girl, you can be certain he (secretly...) pictures her naked and his male parts are getting ready to impregnate her. I deliberately choose the latter word, because that's what drives him: the primal instinct to share his genetic material. Honestly, ladies, if you notice your man eyeing another girl and you see movement in his pants... you can't really blame him. But guys, we don't need to hear your thoughts, so, please, spare us the "damn, she's hot" comment. It makes us feel bad.

For girls, it's a different story. When a woman spots something arousing, instead of looking for more arousing features, she will look for signs of danger and her brain will try to talk her out of being aroused. This, for instance, explains why women will get more turned on by looking at a hot girl showering (safer) than by seeing the cute pool boy take of his shirt. (Yes, guys, girls turn us on...)

This, too, is a primal instinct. When we get turned on, our body prepares to receive semen and our mind goes into overdrive to protect us from harm (from the vulnerable position we put ourself in during sex, to the risk of getting pregnant and the potential to have to raise a child on our own). Yes, guys, the average girl worries a lot before and even during sex. So, when a girl gets turned on, instead of trying to increase her level of arousal, her mind will try to mute her sex drive.

So, when a girl does decide to go all the way, it means she has decided to act against her primal instincts. Which is quite a big deal. So, to counter the cliché that "it's easy for a girl to get laid", I would like to point out that while it is easy for us to get a male, it is a whole different struggle on the mental front. And the fight against our primal instinct is but one aspect. There are many others: complexes about our body, the looks and judgements we'll get, ...

Hear me: yes, we can get you, men, easily to do what we want, but it's far more difficult to get ouselves to do that...

Alright: goodnight people!

Lots of love,
L.

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when you talk about getting impregnated, surely making sure the guy wears a condom or going on the pill would stop that. I think guys are pre programmed to fuck about 80% of the females that he knows. women maybe on 10% of the guys she knows.

This is an interesting take on it - I think I agree with you to a certain extent, although a large part of this is probably cultural and not necessarily biological / evolutionary psychology as you suggest. Good post - made me think, which is never a bad thing :)

Hi @carlgnash. I would say that reproduction is driven by our primal instinct, wheread attraction is morec culturally inspired. For instance the different beauty ideals all over the world.

Sounds logical, but I think there is a lot more.
How a woman selects a partner is not only by social status, but also by bio chemistry. "Can"t smell this man" maybe means that the immune systems are not a good fit.

Hi Joe, I have no sense of smell at all since the 1990's, its called Anosmia.

Us anosmics don't have any luck at all with romance and the whole damn thing at all, nobody know why either, its a complete mystery to everyone.

I like books, one of my favourite authors is HG Wells. Women threw themselves at him despite his ordinary looks, they said it was because he smelt of honey. I gather Richard Stallman is the same, the female students at his university thronged to him.

Bad luck. No treatment for anosmia. Use your vision instead like birds do.

Todally primal. Humans are just like animals at the end if the behavior

We are, if we don't use our head. What seperates us from animals and likewise behavior is that we can think and assess. As long as we do that before we act, we won't degenerate.

candidate for your social experiment)

@unitedworld I admire your openness to share your experiences and it speaks volumes on how you comfortable with yourself. Keep them coming, this was a great read.

Well, if you want to expand your experiment to other parts of the world, then i can be a test subject for you :D .. anyways nice interesting things you have told us about girls..