From time to time I’m asked about have I ever thought about writing a book? Sometimes some will say, “When is your book coming out?” Often i’ll hear.. “Wow! You should write a book!”
I, just trying to be humble and modest would always answer with an answer somewhere along the lines of “ Well, not yet… I’m waiting to have a better ending first.” That answer would often disappoint some, while with others it left them anticipating the day that I would write it.
While to me, from my perspective my life is just exactly that. Just “my life”. As in where people that know me and have witnessed me do some extraordinary things under some incredible circumstances.. have seen me do my best work under extreme pressure in what often looked like an impossible situation, I have always felt that in those situations… I was only doing what I felt was the right thing to do. No more or no less. I never really saw myself as “exceptional”… or “special”.. those were the titles and perspectives, given about me by other people.
As in that’s just labels or descriptions that other people attach to you.. for me I have just always thought of my self as just “me.” Nothing more, nothing less.
For I always knew that no matter how hard that I may have had it, there was always somebody else who had it way worse than me. Just as in no matter how much of anything I have ever had, there was always somebody that had way more than me. Thinking like this always kept me humble.
As the saying goes..”I once complained about not having shoes, until I saw a man with no feet.”
So here I am this morning, wide awake for what seems like no reason at all… lol.. yet I feel inspired by something I told someone yesterday in a conversation I said to them in a moment of reflection.
The person asked me or made reference to me writing a book… as to when am I going to write it? I paused and basically said the following… I briefed them first with a heads up that went like this… “Now, don’t freak out about what I’m about to say… I’m fine… but I have been thinking about something… so brace yourself but here it goes ok?”
So I said.. I have been writing my book. I have been writing my book my whole life. Every time I have ever had a friend or a loved one to confide in .. that I loved and trusted with raw honesty of who I am, my bare being… you.. for an example are one of the pages in my book. For what you know and love or hate about me.. is uniquely that page. In a book no two pages are exactly identical.
So I continued to say that each and everyone of you that have heard me confide in you, I was writing a paragraph, a page, or a chapter then. So in the course of my entire I have written who I am upon each of your hearts in the best and most meaningful way that I knew how. Each of you have a story to tell about me.
Sometimes I’m sure it’s straight comedy whenever I would make you laugh hysterically. I’m sure it’s sometimes a horror story when in hearing my story of my experiences were just I’m sure unbearable to listen to… where I would say now imagine if it hurts you just to hear about what happened to me.. imagine how hard it is for me for I was whom that actually happened to?
Then I’m sure there are the chapters some could speak of that would sound completely like a sci-Fi movie written by Spielberg or JJ Abrahams, when I have discussed my experiences of off world encounters, UFO’s and parallel dimensions. Even psychic abilities.
I’m sure there are some chapters upon someone’s heart who knows me very well and they think I’m absolutely insane and crazy. That’s ok I understand that. For I understand that often people can’t relate to nor understand something that they haven’t experienced.
I’m sure someone has a chapter of me where I’m a pure gentleman. Some a chapter where I am a hero and literally saved their lives. While in others, I’m sure they have a chapter where if they were truthful from their perspective I’m a complete asshole that sent them to the hospital because they underestimated my tolerance level of their behaviors towards me.
Some I’m sure have pages and chapters where I’m the most caring, loving man they ever met. While some that I loved the most, could never see my value at all. I’m sure in some of these chapters of me written upon their hearts and minds of their encounters with me, I’m one of the best friends that they have ever had.
Some of you that know me have seen me risk my life to make sure that someone else was fine and had everything that they needed. From tutoring, training, just whatever I had to give to help them progress to the next level because I wanted to remove whatever stumbling block that they had that was in between them and their dream.
Sometimes it was technical, sometimes it was just having someone to believe in them when no one else did. I have always tried to be that person for each and every one of you. Because out of love I always wanted to see you at your very best.
Yes, I’m sure that some of you have a chapter where I’m annoying as hell. While others have chapters of me where they are absolutely inspired by my tenacity, determination to still be a loving, righteous person in world full of demons. In a world where far too many prefer to see me at my worst rather than at my very best.
Oh, I’m sure there are some of you that have chapters about me where you think that I’m as dumb as a bag of rocks for what you have been able to cheat me out of. Not knowing that in that treachery you revealed that the value of our friendship and brotherhood was only worth the value of whatever it was that you could steal, swindle and con me out of. Never knowing how cheap and petty that is in comparison to the value of a true friend is priceless. Those failed their tests miserably from greed. Yet it taught me, revealed to me, that they are just examples of who not to be. I learned the reason why nice guys finish last.. it gives the wicked enough time to weed themselves out of your life.
I’m sure that there are chapters some have of me where I’m just a talker and full of hot air.. for the times my plans were foiled by the very likes of the people in the previous paragraph which left me to appear as my word being unfulfilled and coming unglued, voided.
I can assure you this was never my intention, but in life things don’t always happen according to plan.
So sometimes as a response to a failed situation I had to improvise and keep moving to find another way. Hard to fulfill plans that were based on $250k, or $1.5 million when someone either completely intercepts it and steals it, or sabotages the entire situation.
Situations like those are miraculous to come by and it sets me back years….. while I shake it off, get up from getting the wind kicked out of me.. and I keep pressing forward. I learned that wasting someone’s time.. is one of the worst things that you could ever do to anybody. For their time.. they can’t get back.
Some of you have chapters of me from witnessing my ability to never give up. Some of you have chapters where I was completely betrayed, and stabbed in the back by the one’s I loved and trusted the most. Yet I never let them turn me into a man that has no capacity to love and trust. Rather these actions made me become more loving and more trusting. I learned I was never going to allow them to turn me into who they are. No, that’s them. That will never be me.
Some of you have entire pages full of believing in me as this relentless underdog. For you see me keep trying endlessly as I work toward my goal of achieving a self sustainable peace… not easy in world full of demons that try to destroy you, derail you and steal your joy.
So as I have lived and loved, sacrificed and gave, gave and received… truly met some incredible loving brilliant people along this journey of life… in knowing all of you.. I have given you the best version of my self that I knew how to give… as I interpreted the love of the creator as expressed through me. As it’s true that iron sharpens iron, so it stands that honor respects honor. Love respects love, anything less is not love. Anything less is not truth.
So as each of you have a page or a chapter of me written upon your spirits and hearts and minds of me… from me sharing with you, confiding in you, breaking bread, shedding tears and crying with you.. and most of all,..me loving you in wanting the very best for you… each of you have a page of my book already within you.
That book will be published when I become just a memory of someone who once was. As each of you share with each other, what memories that you have of me.. while I was here. For I know truly that I am just passing through.
Hopefully each of you, as you compare the chapters and pages of me written upon your hearts… realize that life is priceless, time is a precious commodity that we never know how much of it we actually have. So do good now…. While you still have time. Love as hard as you can now… while you still have the time. Leap forward in faith now… while you have the mind and strength to do so. Just let a positive loving truth be your launchpad.
So at my ending, my book will reveal itself through each and every one of you, through all of your memories of me. Hopefully it’s a story worth meaning to you and yours. For in living this life I have and shall continue to do the best I can.
So for me, my life and my experiences and lessons with all of you, has been and still is a priceless journey… I’m not really concerned with writing a book for “sale”… for the book I have written is within each and every one of you. I already gave you the book… all of the proceeds… are within you. In this existence, the best gift that I have ever had to give of myself. I did my best to give the best of who I am to you. I shall continue to do so.
I love you all, Namasté
Lesley M. Blair
