The night was so cold, with gusts of wind that touched slowly. Suddenly my phone rang, it turns out the message came from brother onyonk. He is my cousin who lives on the other side of the island, precisely the city of Balikpapan, East Kalimantan. As I began to read the message. Suddenly dug-dug-dug, my heart was pounding, after almost 15 years-a class of 2 SMA-my life was a feeling that I had never experienced and is now beginning to be present in my life.
Oh no !! What is wrong with me? all that happened after I read the message from my sister onyonk so, that night she expressed her persuasion to me. at that moment the sense of disbelief continues to haunt me. How could my own cousin have feelings for me. But that's the truth and I can not lie to my feelings if I have the same feelings. So what's wrong with me if I connect with my own cousin. Although it must be a long distance relationship is not a problem.
October 29, 2012 became the beginning where my heart began to open for people. Because all this time kept closed because the fear of his name broken heart. So that's the beginning where the first time I feel the name Dating. Early dating Kak Onyonk always asked me to tell my parents that I was dating her. Every time must be smsnya come inscribed.

"You have asked Mr. Aji yet?" He asked for the umpteenth time from the beginning I had a relationship with him.
"Not yet," I replied.
"Why not in love know?" He asked again.
"I'm afraid of her love, there's no time yet. I'm also afraid if he's angry and does not approve us "I replied again.
"Just tell me first, do not let us have a relationship but the edges are not sanctioned as well," he coaxed.
"Yes I'll try to tell ya, deh." I replied.
"Nah so dong." He replied.
That's what makes me like him because he wants to be open with his parents, just a little too coward to be honest with parents on this issue and I will not be able to tell my parents about this relationship.
The first week of our relationship he's really good, he's also full of convincing words, even though it might just be a rag. But I like the way it is so touching and convincing. I can believe it. Like the thing when one morning I asked him.
"Nyonk, why do you want me to be your boyfriend? but our distance is far, anyways there a lot of girls, cute again. "I asked via via sms.
"Well one of the reasons I choose you, because my Mama likes you, and also because I want you to be my wife" he replied.
"Hmm rags" I say.
"I do not like rags. I'm serious about this. You want to be my wife? "He replied. With my innocence I replied, "well dong. But you want to go to college first marriage. "
"I'll wait for you to finish college," he replied.
And again it makes me even more convinced that he's serious about me. There is a guy who is dating but takes care of marriage unless he is serious. The second point is the reason I like it, yes it was.
The second, third, fourth week may be the same as the first week. But what's so special about my first kkak wedding day she calls me. Because well he did not have time to come for some reason, which can not be explained here. He contacted me. As I recall maybe it was the first time I talked to her even though it was through Hp. Well know is usually always through Sms.
"Hi, how are you?" He asked.
"Well, you?" I replied a little indifferent.
"Well too, sorry the show kak Ondang I can not come" he said.
I also answered, "oh yeah okay?"
And he said, "oh my wife is beautiful ondang ndak?"
"Pretty dong, people say hell looks like me" I replied confidently - sometimes too PD not anything.
"When are we able to follow kak ondang?" He asked.
"Later when the time comes" I replied shyly.
Long story short, entering the second month. Perhaps you could say that when my love affects him. But inversely proportional to his attention. He is now a bit ignorant and cares less about me. I am sometimes confused with his attitude. I sometimes think maybe his affection has diminished with me or indeed he never seriously likes me, or maybe he has a new boyfriend there. That assumption always haunts my mind.
But I still pose positive thinking. I was too scared to ask him. because I was so afraid to lose it. I love him very much, he is the first to be the prince of my heart. for some reason he changed? did he forget the life hypothesis he had ever made? oh yes talk about the life hypothesis he ever made that is:
- year 2020 married me
- 2025 have children
- 2031 children enter school
- 2045 children graduate school
- 2050 pensions worked
Hahaha, so short to write but so long to pass. I can only pray that God will determine destiny in the future.
The top of the story is on Friday, January 18, 2013. At that time I just came home from school, the first time I lakuin yaiu see Hp whether there is a message or not. And there was a message from onyonk. The same message was sent somehow.
message content: "kiting." ... (kiting is my name for him)
I replied to her message, "Yes what nyonk?"
Shortly thereafter came the reply, "I love kiting same"
My fingers start typing the word, "yes, I also love the same onyonk kok"
One, two, three, seconds passed until the reply came again, "but my love is only a cousin"
With a sense of confusion I sent a word, "he meant?"
Not a few minutes a reply came too.
you know that we are cousins, many agree with our relationship too many are opposed, but if sometime later if you are my soul mate. I will marry you no matter what the risks I will bear, you do not say anything if you can not. "
"I can not be able to, even if it's heavy." I replied with reluctance.
"Wait for me yah" he replied.
"I'll always wait for you, I'm not going to go out if not with you"
I can no longer afford to say. It's over, my first love has gone. Only tears are always accompany. Even when I was studying at school I was unable to hold my tears. Maybe this is what has been destined for me. But he's my sister onyonk I can not forget despite the pain that I think so deep and deep.
This event made me promise myself to no longer dating. Well if you can just get married aja, it's better.